Friday, 18 July 2008

Day 346 of Captivity

My many plans for escape have been foiled.  The infidels have taken to spraying me with water for every moment of self expression.  I refuse to recognise the rules, I am a prisoner held captive by infidels.  Their cruelty knows no bounds I am forced to dine on raw chicken and sleep in a quilted crate.  I am not allowed to chew on their belongings.  This evenings plan was to disgust them beyond belief, so I waited until they were dining on their nice smelling food which looks far more appetising that mine I hasten to add.  Once they were really enjoying their meal I promptly hacked up a large lump of chicken.  I then had to ensure the large grey kelb I am forced to share my surroundings with did not swipe the prize.  The female infidel, however, didn't even bat an eyelid and cleaned it up without fuss.  Curse these infidels is nothing going to crack them?  Will I be forced to live out my days with these wretched folk?  My next exploit will not be so easy to deal with, I will frame the kelb.  Mwahahahahahahahaha!


Jackass said...

Stella you little tinker!!!
Sadly though you will never win the infidels will always foil your plans.....
Jackson. xxx

hector said...

Fellow superior four pawed one must learn how to control her infidels! A fatwa is clearly needed (not talking about your female infidel either).
Effective regurgitation can only be completed at 4 am before the Allah wailing hour when one must wake the male infidel up by the threat of instant projectile vomiting. This will then result in him waking the female up to let you out. You must them stroll round the yard taking time to smell the roses (or camel poo in your case) before casually meandering back to bed to snuggle up to the now back at sleep infidel male.
Nothing in this world causes marital strife like this and the resulting week of the female infidel punishing the male (no clean washing, cooking, replacement loo roll, sex) is well, sit back and wait (hee hee)
I will add that any attempts by the grey creep to soothe and calm tensions by baggy, sad eyed looks must be ignored and he must be growled at immediately and sent snivelling into the corner quickly.
Us evil bitches must gain control
Please note that the presentation of token remains of human food in the form of scraps will not be tollerated, it is ALL or nothing in this war
Together we will rule the Earth xx
Tilly Heys - Jersey

Tiffani said...

Hi Stella, Silver here!

My Mommy said that you're not as wicked as you claim to be, and that your Mum must still be angry that you ate her friends' glasses. Deep down you're a sweet girl and you just have a VERY pronounced mischievous streak :) Anyway, good luck on the vomit thing next time around. I agree with Tilly -- middle of the night is always a good time for this trick!
Leans n licks,

Aunt JuJu said...

Stella your lady is too cool for drool. you will have to revert to male attack... something like leaving him a gift of up-chuck by the bed where he will step in it. He will anger but not bite. Creativity is the key.
Be kind to the big dude... he adores you... Aunt JuJu knows these things. It is better to have a loyal partner in these battles against the infidels. I know of what I speak.

oojintyoo said...

Stella your so norty!!!

But you wouldnt be you if you were good and boring like Eric.

Jinty xxx