Saturday, 19 July 2008

Day 347 Of Captivity

I still remain a captive of the Infidels.  Last night the Infidels stayed up very late which is most unusual for them, they were watching something on the machinery they call a TV.  It was midnight when they finally went to sleep.  I had had plenty of power naps throughout the evening and it was no problem for me to awake at 2am and urgently request access to the garden.  There is a pit in the garden we use for our toiletting and the female Infidel had forgotten to clean it yesterday, I thought it rather amusing to pace about looking distressed by this fact, even though there was only 2 soilings in there, until she finally gave in and proceeded to clean the area in the dark.  This I found to be excellent entertainment.  I was then ushered back into the house and my plans of languishing on the Infidels bed were foiled as she guided me back to my cage.  Curse her!

The female Infidel still managed to rise at 5am to exercise myself and the grotty kelb.  We are attached to a bike and we run whilst the female Infidel wallows on the seat of the contraption spoiling our fun.  I find the exercise most satisfactory, what I find very unsatisfactory is the fact that there are many peasant cats on our route and the female Infidel refuses to release us to sort them out.  I shout and jump and show my disdain for this act but still she refuses and we are dragged past the smug creatures most unceremoniously.    I have concluded that the female Infidel is a buffoon.  The kelb insists on marking the route with what he calls his love potion, he too is a buffoon and he smells.

I may spend the day torturing the kelb.  I continue to plot from my prison.


oojintyoo said...

Stella from one bitch to another your doing a good job! Those infidels think they know it all. I'm having to put my grey men into his place too they are such a soft touch though.

Keep up the good work!

hector said...

The fatwa against the infidels must continue.
Be warned, the dangerous machine called TV can impart with coded information to the infidels on how to oppress and control your (natural) behaviour. This machine must not be allowed to live!
They cage you.....!!!!!! This must NOT be tollerated and you must perfect your shivering and shaking acompanied with pathetic whines and small puddles induced by fear at the sight of such torture. Do this infidels have no limits in their torture of you?
You must engage the co-operation of the grotty male kelb. I know this is not ideal but the action of synchronizing a sudden halt whilst the female infidel is straining and going red with the exertion of forward motion on the contraption known as a bicycle will be well worth it. This way you can be freed to chase the lowly animals called C A T S (not allowed to say that name in our house as it stresses me), the grotty male kelb can indulge in spraying and smelling in all directions (this is a male habit of any species I have noticed) and the female infidel can eat dirt....or sand in her case (hee hee)
You must keep your regal chin up and plan forward to Christmas and the tree they bring in the house (that says it all about these humans, I mean a tree in a house?!?! whats that about?!?!) This insane tradition has plenty of windows to cause havoc.
They may have won the battle, but the war is just starting
Tilly Heys - Jersey x