Day 350 of captivity
My rescuers have not arrived, but I am sure these things take time to organise. As I am in the final days of captivity I thought I would up the ante a little and I spent the evening skulking round the house being as quiet as I could so that the female Infidel would come and investigate. She is just too nosey for her own good that one! A few times I lulled her into a false sense of security by putting on my best innocent face and looking at her questioningly, letting her know that she was wrong to come and look at me so accusingly. The fun part is after she feels guilty, I go and get a shoe out of the shoe wrack, which then alerts her suspicions again and makes her all crazy. I sometimes swap this for a tea towel or the dishcloth but I had her running around all night last night. She eventually decided that we would all go to bed as she was fed up of getting up and down all night, she lacks stamina!
I thought I would allow the Infidels to sleep until around 1am when I felt a potter around the garden was in order. A great idea came to me. The female Infidel scrubbed the back yard as the grotty kelb had made it smell positively disgusting with his so called “love potion”. Gag, I cannot imagine what foul creature would be seduced by the smell, I really can’t! I thought it would be fun to pretend that the smell of disinfectant offended me too much to use our designated area for my “business”, so once again I paced the garden looking distressed and then suddenly just went anywhere, which then set the sex crazed kelb into action having to mark over it all with his foul stench. The female Infidel did not look pleased as I left my message right next to the garden seating area they use. She then went out into the garden with more disinfectant to cover it. I love to get her fannying about in the wee hours of the morning. What else would she be doing?
I was once again prevented from languishing on the Infidels bed after my trip down to the garden. The female Infidel made me return to my cell letting me know there was no way she would trust me to be free in her room whilst she slept. The fat lazy kelb is allowed to wallow on a chaise at night; I mean I am the Princess! He is such a big fat creep and always looking at them with big dopey eyes and doing their bidding. What a loser!
I am going to power nap now as I may allow them to sleep tonight but then again I may not, it depends on how the mood takes me. I also feel that later today I should draft a letter to some of our world leaders, letting them know what an excellent advisor I would make once they allow me to become a refugee in their country after my rescuers arrive to free me. I think I will start with President Bush, he has nice ears and seems to need all the help he can get! I wonder if all Infidels are buffoons, it seems they are. Also on my short list is that nice chap Mr Putin, he has an honest face. I really think I should contact whoever is running Britain, the Infidels normally refer to him as “that bloody man!” so I am sure he is a top bloke, as they often refer to me as “that bloody dog!”