Saturday, 26 July 2008

Day 352 Of Captivity

I have been too depressed to post for a couple of days, still no sign of a rescue party and I remain a captive of the Infidels.  It has been the weekend here; on Wednesday the male Infidel attended a wedding where he met a Prince!  I do hope that he put in a good word for me, as I feel a palace would be far more befitting my status as an Arabian Princess.  I fear that he didn't, no matter how mean I am to these Infidels; they still seem to want to keep me here with them.  Perhaps this is their cruel and unusual revenge for my exploits!

The teenage Infidel went out to babysit and I remained here with the female and the young weedy male Infidel.  I like to toy with this male, as he is so lazy he doesn't even use his spine to hold himself up, preferring to loll about the place much to the annoyance of the adult Infidels.  This being the case he is far too lazy to reprimand me like the others, so I can jump all over him to my hearts content, providing I choose a time when none of the others see me.  I also enjoy overpowering him and taking things from him.  The female Infidel keeps telling him that he must be more firm with me or I will take advantage, perhaps she is not quite as stupid I first thought.

The female Infidel is a wily old bird and attempted to weaken my resolve using the skullduggery of cuddles!  I only withstood it because it seemed to upset the kelb and make him jealous.  She allowed the kelb to come up onto the couch too!  He is such a big creep!  I decided to show my contempt for them both by lying in a chair alone, throwing them the odd scowl for good measure.  It was a late night waiting up for everybody and the female Infidel kept falling asleep on the couch, so to keep her alert I brought the odd shoe from the shoe cupboard and dropped it on her swapping this for a tea towel now and again for variety.  Eventually she got a bit annoyed and placed me in solitary.

Once again my attempts at tunneling in the back garden have been scuppered and they have filled it back in!  I find this most annoying!  They seem to get very irritated by my excavations.

Last night in an attempt to alleviate my depression, I took a large slab of chocolate cake from the kitchen counter (I had to get it out of the baking tin).  Unfortunately, I gave myself away as I took the tea towel used to cover it into the lounge!  The female Infidel then placed it on top of the refrigerator so that I could no longer reach it.  I was a bit gutted as I could have consumed several more pieces.  I rounded off the evening by attempting to chew the head off the female Infidel's wooden giraffe.  She has had it for some 13 years, high time she replaced it with something new!

This morning the kelb actually managed to astound me with his stupidity!  We went out on the cycling contraption as usual and he managed to snap his lead and break free.  He stopped so suddenly that his great lumbering force snapped the lead.  What did he do with this opportunity?  Absolutely NOTHING!  He simply trotted alongside the cycling contraption to command and stopped when he was told to!  The female Infidel allowed him to complete his exercise in this manner.  When he broke free and managed to escape I had a massive hissy fit and tried to escape too.  All I managed to achieve was pulling the cycling contraption over and running round in a circle with it, much to the distress of the female Infidel.  She had dismounted to check the damage to the lead and see if she could repair it.  The kelb truly is an imbecile!  I despair!

1 comment:

hector said...

I too come from royal lines. Those of the grandest courts of Germany of old. These humans forget our heritage and their place, which is at our side rather than ours at theirs!
One must use full doe eyes and cowering and whimpering actions when in full view of an audience or upon attemtped chastisment of adult infidels at tormenting the uncordinated younger ones.
Regurgitation of all stolen goods is recommended for maximum effect, especially when the human idiots are not aware what the contents of said putrid mass is and then panic and are lead to investigate further to see if what they have poisioned you with (love watching them heave whilst doing this and it always provokes an argument between the stupid two legged infidels)
Princess must also understand that the male phleb carries his brain not at the end by which the collar is attached, but the end that distributes the vile "love potion"
One must remain aloof and bear our regal woes with courage and dignity. Not something the phleb or infidels know of.
Our time will come and our "Lawrence" will appear from the sandy desperation of our horizons....
From Tilly - who is imprisoned on the sofa at the moment for trying to eat the fats ones lollypop stick