Monday, 18 August 2008

Day 373 Of Captivity

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their armpits, a Jihad on them all and their sweaty kelb!  Following our exercise on the cycling contraption this morning the female Infidel decided to return to bed because she felt unwell (yawn)  I just think she is a lazy bint.  The big fat creepy kelb was languishing on the bed next to her and when I attempted to torment him by chewing his ears, I was placed in my cell!  I made sure that they didn't get very much sleep by singing my version of the Athan from my solitary confinement.  Every time the female Infidel told me to shut up, I sang louder and shriller grating on her eardrums, until she eventually released me and gave up on the idea of sleep.

I was not satisfied with my exercise today even though it was as much as we usually get, that and being caged has irritated me.  To show my displeasure I have spent the day careering around the house at top speed bouncing off various pieces of furniture and leaving skid marks in all of the carpets, that is until the female Infidel became so incensed she threatened to rip my ears off and placed me in solitary to apparently calm down and settle.  It was a good opportunity to plot my next move.

Once I was released from solitary for a second time today I sulked for a time on the landing to give the impression their feeble punishment had been a success.  Once they were satisfied that I had learnt my lesson I meandered into the lounge and chewed the camel saddle for a while.  I was sprayed in the head with water for this infraction so I moved on to chew the sofa cushion, until I gave myself away by being a little over zealous and making a noise!  I received a telling off from the irksome female Infidel.  I am now posting a vigil at the prison window hoping that someone will spot my despondent face and save me from this wretched prison.  I keep shouting to passers by, but they just accelerate up the street looking startled!  Cretins!  It is probably the kelb's fault, because he has joined in a few times and he has a big mouth and just sounds clinically insane!  I have told him this but am simply met by a blank stare.  I wonder if his ears are broken??  Hmmmm maybe I should chew them a little less.

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