Thursday, 21 August 2008

Day 376 Of Captivity

 Not only do these Infidels feed me the most disgusting gruel of raw chicken but now they have cut my portions down, because the female Infidel thinks that my posterior is becoming bulky.  Smacks somewhat of the pot calling the kettle don't you think!  After my meagre rations this morning I was still feeling famished, so I dined on her knee brace.  Maybe she will realise that I am starving here!

Last night when the Infidels were carrying out their various evening ablutions before retiring I managed to secure the prime spot on the Infidels bed.  The male was none too happy about this and when he attempted to remove me to my cell I hung like a sack of potatoes, during the ensuing wrestling I managed to place my foot in his mouth, more than once, which I had made sure was coated in the kelb's foul urine while I was in the garden before being forced to retire for the night.  

I note from the newspapers with dismay Saudi Arabia has not fielded a Ladies team, I am ready to pick up the baton.  I thought they would have as my sisters all look quite muscular underneath their abayas and appear to give the men a good hiding at the slightest provocation.  Mind you if I was dressed from head to foot in black in these temperatures my mood would be somewhat crabby too!  Although the colour is very slimming.  I could probably outrun any number of the fat infidels taking part in these events with very little effort.  Even the Kelb would be good, if there were an event for sniffing posteriors, licking one's foul anatomy or standing still looking gormless, he would win gold every time!

Anyway I must go and continue my preparations for Ramadan which include singing the Athan 24 hours a day.  The infidels will just love it!

1 comment:

Tiffani said...

the situation is clearly becoming desperate, Stella. I think the clerics are going to have to issue a Fatwa. I'll see what I can do from this end.