Saturday, 15 November 2008

Day 463 of Captivity

I was just alerting the female Infidel to the fact that she had shut me out of the bedroom this morning, when she thrust the door open and ambushed me.  I was unceremoniously plunged into the bath and scrubbed clean, in tea tree and oat shampoo!  Since when has a Royal Saluki aspired to smell of tea tree!  Curses!  

The torture then continued as she cleaned my ears.  I was rather vexed by this dastardly act.  To pay her back for this treachery I did the wall of death of the lounge, bouncing hard on the new precious furniture.  This sent the female Infidel into an apoplectic fury, which resulted in me once again being thrust into solitary in a most undignified fashion.  In  the hopes of giving her a heart attack or making her actually implode I then vomited on the carpet the instant I was released.  I have spent the afternoon on the sofa with a look of smug glee on my face.  

The only saving grace to this entire sorry episode  was that the sweaty kelb was also tortured.  He smells less like a decomposing badger, and one can be in his presence without feeling the urge to gag violently.  Although, he still has the breath from Satan's buttocks!  The horror.....The horror!


Anonymous said...


Tiffani said...

LOLOLOLOL What are you like, Stella?

Anonymous said...

Poor Princess!
One must play dead at the sight of the dreaded bath. Going limp is enough to send the infidels into fits of terror as to what they have done to you. Failing that one must find something foul to immediately roll in.....(not the foul smelling Kleb mind)
Bringing the fatwa to the fat one xx