Sunday, 7 December 2008

day 485 of Captivity

Scoff!  The infidels have truly surpassed themselves this time, I really didn't believe they could be any more fatuous, but once again they have proved me wrong.  They have erected a 7ft tree inside the house, yes you heard me right, it is actually INSIDE the house!  It appears to be in celebration of that heathen festival Christmas!  I am rather disappointed that the kelb has not tried to urinate on it even once; which is very out of character for him.  That buffoon will urinate on just about anything, including on occasion ME!!!!

I have made many valiant attempts to sabotage this atrocity that now adorns our living room with its vulgar shiny embellishments and hideous flashing lights.  I have driven the female infidel to the brink of insanity with my efforts, a favourite is to eat the tinsel she really gets upset by this.  I have produced some very festive excreta in the last few weeks, complete with shiny bits of tinsel.  Hang that on your tree infidels!

The female infidel is being all jolly and listening to tiresome tunes by worn out old has beens, such as Cliff Richards.  If I hear Mistletoe and Wine one more time, I swear I will chew off my own ears!  Oh, the monstrous torment these Infidels put me through is inhumane!  

Of course it is Hadj, but instead of going on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, I am to be left here surrounded by Christmas trees and bloody Father Christmas!  I must have been truly evil in a former life to deserve the infinite perdition that is to be my daily life.  I am going to wait until no one is looking and shred the Christmas presents, they will not enjoy this heretical affair.  How very dare they!  Allah be praised and deliver me from these infidels.  I pray that the New Year brings opportunities for my emancipation. 


Luke Leigh said...

Dear Infidel

It is with a heavy heart and a saddened look that I find myself in front of my keyboard, typing an email to express my disappointment to you.

I have been an avid fan of the "Living with Infidels" blog but for many days now, there seems to have been no report from our intrepid Saluki. It makes me wonder if she has become complacent and lost the will to battle against you her captor. Then again, perhaps she has merely decided upon a Christmas respite from trying to maim, kill or just merely irritate you.

Here's hoping everyone is alright and that "Stelllllaaaaaaaaaaa" (I believe thats how you spell, it.....certainly gets screamed like that often enough) is still finding it in her heart to torment whenever possible.

Love as always

Disappointed from Southend

Stella (given to me by the infidels) said...

I will continue to battle against the puny infidel as long as I have breath in my body. It appears that the female infidel has become engrossed in that heathen festival of Christmas and is not devoting her time, as she should, to me and my antics.

I have been particularly irritating of late too in the hope it might spark her into action. Perhaps I will have to up the ante and be a little more creative in my efforts. I still live in hope of a rescue party, I would ask you, but I know that you are an infidel too, and a slightly scary one at that!