Saturday, 27 December 2008

Day 505 of Captivity

Well I'll be damned, this heathen  festival of Christmas has not been so bad after all, in that it has provided many opportunities for food thievery and skullduggery.  The Female Infidel does seem to have placed me under a close supervision order these past few days which I find rather exasperating!  I was just unwrapping my second quality street chocolate this afternoon, that I had looted while she was otherwise engaged; but unfortunately she returned to the room and caught me in the act.  I made her chase me round the furniture to retrieve it, leaving her a gasping heap on the couch as I sprang gracefully round the coffee table.  She is about as agile as a wounded rhino!

This festival seems to be a time for leaving plates piled high with copious amounts of wonderful smelling food just lying about the place to be pilfered.  The boring fat kelb never takes anything, even when it is right there asking to be liberated.  He almost caved at lunch time when it came to the cheese board, flapping his tongue about in the distance!  How vapid of him, he is a large dog and could easily overpower any of the infidels and just take it, but he is too busy being a big fat creep.  He sits and gives them a paw for goodness sake.  The Infidels seem to absolutely lap this up and give him the odd titbit here and there.  I would never descend to such degradation!  

I have managed to purloin the odd mince pie and chocolate here and there.  Christmas morning was marvelous, apart from a appalling beginning to the day whereby the female served me up with a plate of turkey giblets!  She was so pleased with this abysmal offering it was really quite tragic.  Of course the kelb devoured the lot with glee.  He really is an abomination!

The day did pick up, however, when  I "assisted" the hairy infidel and his weedy sibling in opening their gifts by dashing past them and ripping great lumps of paper off for them, which I then did a lap of victory of the coffee table with.  I had a blast.  It did seem to irk the adolescents, so somewhat of a bonus!  

The drawback to the day was that I was put into solitary once it was time to serve up the mouth watering meal that they all quaffed.  The miserable Infidels got irritated because I was circling the dining table like a shark.  It smelled so good, much better than the abhorrent gruel that was bestowed upon me this morning.  They must have been consumed with guilt for their cruelty, because after they had eaten I was given a lovely big bowl of cooked turkey, which I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed.  Now what I would like to know is, why can't they feed me like that everyday!

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