Oh what glee! The male infidel and his hairy offspring have returned from their holiday bringing with them suitcases full of new and interesting items for me to chew. I have my eye on a set of wooden elephants, the chewing opportunity is just too good to pass up. Thus far I have not been able to get near them without the female infidel flailing her arms about and shrieking at me like a demented banshee that I will be taken to the desert! Does she not realise this is what I have been waiting for all these long dark months. It seems all that it would take is to chew those elephants. I am, however concerned that my trip to the desert is also mentioned in the same sentence as shovels and deep cavernous holes.
Yawn! The Infidels are very pleased with themselves, they spent the weekend installing wooden bars at the windows and ever since I have not been permitted to even get so much as my nose near the windows without the onset of bouts of rage and mass hysteria! I am very peeved! They don't seem to comprehend that they require my skills as a sentry to keep away any peasant cats and other subordinate creatures that pass by the windows without permission. There is also the issue of those grubby men that turn up three times a week and steal our garbage!
To top it all off a new lounge suite was delivered this morning and it appears that all gymnastic activities and walls of death have been suspended indefinitely. My infidel hell just became the most tedious place on earth. My only source of entertainment has been that the moronic kelb has not been able to decide whether he is allowed to lie on the new furniture or not and the infidels don't seem to be letting on either. I am currently scoffing at him from the sofa as he lays drooling on the floor. Most amusing!