Sunday, 22 February 2009

Day 563 of Captivity

The female infidel was busy cooking dinner in the kitchen this afternoon, and the wizened old shrew would not let me assist.  Every time I jumped up at the counter to better see what she was up to, she growled at me and sent me on my way.  She grudgingly spared me a carrot to chew on, which I took into the lounge.  She was blissfully unaware and thought I was happily chewing on my carrot, and left me to my own devices for a few moments.  I took this opportunity to abscond with a string of fairy lights that the female infidel thinks looks fabulous in a bowl with some pot pourri.  I beg to differ and ate the fairy lights and some of the pot pourri as well!  I chewed them into several smaller strings, which seemed to incense the female infidel somewhat.  I was sent directly to my crate for some time, apparently for my own safety!  Once she released me I shredded the dish cloth.  As if a little solitary confinement would bring my reign of evilness to a standstill.  I scoff at you infidels!

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Day 555 of Captivity

The Infidels quaffed down a chinese take away last night, and despite my best endeavors to look as emaciated and pathetic as possible, the greedy beasts didn't offer me even a morsel!  I was infuriated!  Being an opportunist, I waited for them to engage in conversation after the meal and before they had chance to clear away the plates, I jumped up at the kitchen table and scoffed down as many scraps as I could, before the evil crone of a female infidel caught me and sucked the joy out of my life by taking away the plates whilst berating me.  The shadow of bore strikes again, she is a nuisance!

She was quite livid last week when I attempted to eat a peasant cat that decided to perch on the windowsill outside the lounge!  I think what galled her was the fact that I became ever so slightly entangled in the wooden blinds at the window.  It was not my fault, and the intruder needed to be dispatched immediately for displaying such insolent behaviour.  The female did not seem at all perturbed by the intrusion and was more concerned by the assault on the blinds!  She is quite unhinged and I do worry about her at times.

Monday, 2 February 2009

Day 543 of Captivity

I have had the most dreadful few days, I have been so ill.  I think the kelb must have infected me with his disgusting germs, as it is most suspicious that he was ill at the same time.  He is always breathing his foul breath on me, he must have contaminated me.  Not only have I been ill, but I have been ill with a repulsive kelb virus!  I could have expired!  I have spent much of my time asleep, too weak to engage in much skullduggery.

I was feeling much better last night and decided a spot of skulking was in order, especially as the infidels have got off lightly these past few days.  I managed to entice the male infidel into following me about for a time, but he soon tired of it and lapsed into a bout of rage!  He can be so tiresome!  The female wasn't engaging in being a source of my amusement either.  

This morning she cooked a huge pan of stew, it smelt so lovely.  I did attempt to remove the lid and taste some but she heard me clattering about in the kitchen and dismissed me from the room.  They are so selfish and never share their consumables.  I have to eat a horrid gruel of raw chicken, while they banquet on all kinds of wonderful things.  In order to exact my revenge, I ate the cover from the female infidels novel she is reading while they were quaffing!  She who laughs last, laughs longest!!!!