1 shoe (the female infidel was a bit put out by this as it was her favourite shoes, ah she still has one so I don't really see what she has to complain about!) The infidels tea as it was left marinating, this made me sick, they really ought to learn to cook! I have dug a trench right round the garden, which infuriated the female infidel, as the soil was wet and I got very dirty, so she bathed me; which in turn infuriated me! 1 kitchen chair leg, I only chewed it, it was not as if I completely destroyed it, but of course there were histrionics from the infidels several dish cloths and tea towels The new oven gloves A candle, not too tasty that so I spit it out all over the place, and the female became quite vexed as she had not long hoovered. 2 pens, managed to deposit some of the ink on the carpet before they were confiscated.
All in all a pretty good week, although the infidels do not seem to be of the same opinion on the subject. In fact I overheard the female infidel muttering about taking me to see someone called Vlad the Impaler to have my hormones suppressed, as I am due to be inoculated anyway. I am not too sure I am happy about this, particularly as I heard her say that euthanasia might be cheaper in the long run!
There seems to be no hope of ever enticing my Arabic neighbours into a rescue attempt. They have forsaken me and gone over to the dark side, they are harbouring a peasant cat in their accommodation! I have tried to warn them on several occasions that it had got in there by shouting across at them, but now it seems the peasant has got comfortable and has bewitched them. It is wearing a collar, that usually means that they intend to keep you. I am demoralised, if anything I thought they might be my saviours one day. To add insult to injury the peasant keeps looking smugly across at me from the window of their abode. I am resigned to the fact I am facing more endless days of monotony under the regime of the infidels.