This morning the female infidel swanned off to a coffee morning on another compound, where she quaffed cakes (as if her ass isn't big enough!) and sat about all morning twittering on to any poor soul she could detain. I can just imagine the anguish, those poor people! The female infidel didn't even bring back a morsel for us, the greedy wench! Myself and the kelb were left in the care of the hairy infidel and the sullen strange boy infidel. I am still sulking about the hairy one's churlish behaviour yesterday. To teach him a lesson, I decided I would defecate in his slippers! My generosity knows no bounds. By the smell of them, I wasn't the first, although I couldn't name the breed from the stench, possibly Orangutan or some form of marsupial. I am dozing on the couch awaiting the fallout when he discovers them.