Yesterday I had to suffer the indignity of being bundled into my crate for several hours, whilst the voracious infidels went out to a restaurant to stuff their porcine faces! I tormented the kelb by singing tribal songs of my youth to him for two hours. He seemed absolutely delighted to see the infidels on their return and when they released me from my cell the malodorous creature attempted to bite my face off! I almost fainted from the stench of his fetid breath and had to wash my face several times to remove his putridness from my coat. It was truly ghastly!
The male infidel gave us a small amount of chicken this afternoon, his idea of a little snack. On inspection I made the grisly discovery that he had attempted to feed me a chicken's derriere! I didn't even protest when the greedy kelb pilfered my portion, and took a great amount of satisfaction in watching the halfwitted creature scoff it down as if it were the best caviar. He truly is an imbecile and the male Infidel is a scoundrel!
I shall continue with my singing later when the infidels attempt to retire for the evening, I am sure they will appreciate my dulcet tones. That will teach them to try and poison me with a chicken's bum! Royalty does not chew on the toilet parts of animals, unlike dissolute kelbs!