Friday, 17 July 2009

Day 705 of Captivity

The tedium of living with these wretched infidels continues to bore me to tears.  I have been so consumed with languor, I decided to entertain myself with a spot of singing this evening.  This seemed to gall the infidels as they were trying to watch Star Trek at the time.  A story about a fat elderly man who resides on a space ship and apparently females are powerless to resist his geriatric charms.  It is a very dated movie anyway and my singing is much more engaging.  I had to sing very loud to drown out the surround sound in their movie machine, but I am proud to say I reached some notes I didn't know were possible.  The boorish infidels of course did not appreciate my musical talents and insinuated that they would rather gouge at their ears with a cheese grater and rub their tattered remains with lemons than listen to another note!

Yesterday I had to suffer the indignity of being bundled into my crate for several hours, whilst the voracious infidels went out to a restaurant to stuff their porcine faces!  I tormented the kelb by singing tribal songs of my youth to him for two hours.  He seemed absolutely delighted to see the infidels on their return and when they released me from my cell the malodorous creature attempted to bite my face off!  I almost fainted from the stench of his fetid breath and had to wash my face several times to remove his putridness from my coat.  It was truly ghastly! 

The male infidel gave us a small amount of chicken this afternoon, his idea of a little snack.  On inspection I made the grisly discovery that he had attempted to feed me a chicken's derriere!  I didn't even protest when the greedy kelb pilfered my portion, and took a great amount of satisfaction in watching the halfwitted creature scoff it down as if it were the best caviar.   He truly is an imbecile and the male Infidel is a scoundrel!

I shall continue with my singing later when the infidels attempt to retire for the evening, I am sure they will appreciate my dulcet tones.  That will teach them to try and poison me with a chicken's bum!  Royalty does not chew on the toilet parts of animals, unlike dissolute kelbs!

5 comments:

Princess Eva and Brice said...

I'm sure that your voice is a beautiful as the sunrise and as delicate as butterfly wings. If only I could experience the pleasure of hearing the angel sing, I could die a happy pup.

Brice the Handsome

Princess Eva and Brice said...

Do not pay attention to anything that my brother says. He is the ultimate canine flirt.

Princess Eva

Anonymous said...

Oh Princess we will have to send snack parcels for you alone, I hope the chickens rear end upset the kelb. Did you not tell him what he ate just to see the look of horror on his face. No wonder he has bad breath, we will put some mints in with the food so you can leave them around for him to eat hopefully they will improve his breath.

shalar said...

Oh Princess we will have to send snack parcels for you alone, I hope the chickens rear end upset the kelb. Did you not tell him what he ate just to see the look of horror on his face. No wonder he has bad breath, we will put some mints in with the food so you can leave them around for him to eat hopefully they will improve his breath.

Signe said...

It is obvious that the infidels and the kelb, don't appreciate, your operatic trained voice. Maybe a few more Aria's would improve their repertoire and understanding of good music.