Monday, 27 July 2009

Day 715 of Captivity

The infidels barbarism knows no bounds!  Today I have been feeling rather energetic and spent the morning carrying out vigorous exercises in order to prevent the onset of heart disease.  The female infidel, however, did not seem amused by my acrobatic endeavours, especially as they threatened to dislodge her precious things or tat as I prefer to refer to it.  She was particularly displeased when the kelb joined in, throwing his porcine body around the villa with clear disregard to life or property, however, she too joined in careening about the villa attempting to rescue her tatty belongings from imminent destruction, all to the blood-curdling sound of The Pogues.  Needless to say I ended up in solitary confinement, with her scowling at me from across the room. 

The one highlight to the morning was when the AC repair man showed up.  The kelb, still delirious from our energetic morning, attempted to run off with his cloth and tools.  The poor man was clearly traumatised being faced with such a hideous slathering gargoyle and the kelb received a scruffing for his impudence.  The female infidel blamed me for inciting a riot!  I am scandalised, this further added to the time I had to spend in confinement.

I was finally released, but having endured the tedium of what seemed like an eternity in solitary I still felt psyched.  When the infidels sat down to gorge themselves as is there wont, I thought it a good time to alert them to the fact there were interlopers in the street.  This seemed to tip the female infidel over the edge and she returned me to the confines of my crate stating that she would like to eat one meal this week in peace and quiet.  It was most amusing when she returned to the kitchen and slipped in some of the kelb's drool and almost split in half.  I burst out laughing when she shot across the kitchen, landing hard on her back, winding herself and developing the onset of tourettes.  The kelb beat a hasty retreat.

My goodness, Allah is swift and sure these days!

1 comment:

shalar said...

I am so pleased her precious kelb got the blame for her accident in the kitchen, and hope he was confined to the crate and not you princess. Does she not realise the joy it brings to you when food is served to them as well as you and the mere smell of food excites you.