Sunday, 9 August 2009

Day 728 of Captivity

The holy month of Ramadan is once more on the horizon.  Sadly, I must spend it in the company of the proles I reside with instead of with my Bedouin kin.  On the up side, the kelb has become more rotund than ever following his castration.  He has been placed on a diet, which presents many opportunities for me to persecute him, as he is not amused.  His rations have been cut by half, and his face was a picture when he was presented with this meagre portion this morning.  I decided to wander about the garden until he had eaten, and then very slowly savoured every mouthful of my food, while he looked on gormless and drooling.  He really is living proof that the male brain resides in the testicles, he is even more vapid than ever since his surgery!  He spent almost 45 minutes licking the ground after we had eaten, in the vain hope of extracting one last morsel from the concrete.  After a time the female infidel curtly called her beloved toady inside, having had enough of his incessant licking of the concrete.  He then had to consume gallons of water, as his mouth must have been dry as a bone!  He really is such a nincompoop!

Continuing my torment of the kelb, I vomited this afternoon, but the female infidel was too quick for me and she managed to sweep me out of the lounge, sparing her carpet.  Even more impressive was the fact that she also swept the kelb along with us preventing him from snacking on my leavings and he was forced to look sadly on from behind the locked screen door, as the female infidel cleaned up the potential meal.  He looked crushed, making the purge worthwhile.

The female infidel seems to be under the impression that she is off on a holiday soon. I am outraged that she would consider jetting off to enjoy herself, leaving me behind! I have made several attempts to sabotage her evil plan, but she seems undaunted by them.  When I chewed her guidebook, she simply went on line to investigate the place she plans on visiting.  I see I shall have to play hardball and eat her laptop or at least chew the cable.  She seems to be becoming impervious to my actions of late, very disconcerting!

A couple of days ago whilst out exercising there were two members of the National Guard by the gate.  We were on foot as the female infidel has damaged the rear tyre of the cycling contraption.  The National Guard beckoned us, but being virtuous, I ignored them, secretly hoping that seeing I was a prisoner of infidels; they were going to snatch me and free me.  Of course the brazen female went over to engage in conversation with these strange men!  I was horrified to discover, it was the kelb they expressed an interest in!  They were rather taken with his intimidating build!  One of them even touched his grotesque frame and no doubt had to spend the remains of the day dousing himself in disinfectant!  My, times are changing; I never thought I would see the day when a fellow countryman would rather touch a putrid kelb!  I am a little perturbed by this encounter, I thought freedom was in my grasp at last!

1 comment:

Mirjana said...

Poor Stella! I'm rather sure the guards weren't real ones, probably just kids playing or they never would have ignored you and they certainly would have freed you from your misery with the infidels. Next time, you'll see it will happen!