Saturday, 15 August 2009

Day 734 of Captivity

The female infidel deigned to cook tea this afternoon.  While she was occupied I took the opportunity to gnaw at the zip on one of the sofa cushions.  Realising I had been silent for a time, the old hag came to investigate.  She was furious that I had chewed the zip and chased me out of the room, flailing her arms around like a demonic Morris Dancer and bellowing like a cow in labour.  She then started fussing over the cushions.  An opportune moment presented itself for me to meander into the kitchen and consume around 200g of butter that was left carelessly unattended.  The look of horror and the realisation that this oversight on her part, would come back and haunt her later this evening or even better in the early hours of the morning, was just priceless!  I have tummy ache and foresee vomit or a canine poo pancake in her future.  She does not seem happy sitting next to  me on the sofa as my stomach churns away like a washing machine.  I think she too foresees what the future holds for her and is peeved.  

I may just doze until 2am. I have been practicing retching, so I am prepared.  Nothing has the power to move an Infidel quicker than the sound of a gagging hound in the early hours of the morning.  They appear to develop the hearing of a fruit bat.  What will vex her more, will be the male infidel's ability to sleep through the entire episode.  This will have them bickering in the morning!  Which is always a bonus!

1 comment:

Signe said...

well your Highness, did you keep your promise and wake the infidel in the early hours of the morning. We cannot keep them k napping for too long. Was the pancake making to your liking and did the old hag, urge and she cleaned the mess up?
what other plans have you been hatching since.