Sunday, 16 August 2009

Day 735 of Captivity

I took great delight today in letting the female infidel think she had got away without any repercussions from the butter heist of yesterday evening.  I slept through the night and was the picture of sweetness and light.

The infidels decided to pop out this evening for a change of scenery.  When they returned I was hyper and ran around the villa like a whirling dervish.  Conscious of the fact I was in a state of frenzy, the female Infidel made me accompany her upstairs whilst she went in the shower, as there was no one to keep an eye on me while she was gone.  Therein lies her mistake!

I lay in my chair looking calm and mellow, blinking at her inquiringly as he shot me accusing looks.  I waited until she went in the shower to achieve maximum chaos as I put my fiendish plan into operation.  Once the water was running and I was satisfied she was otherwise engaged, I jumped onto the Infidel's bed where the revolting kelb was dozing just to be near their scent (he is such a spineless weasel!)  Once on the bed, I began retching and hacking until I coughed up my dinner.  The kelb seeing a chance for a free hot meal, leapt into action. I was furious, as he was taking all the evidence of my crime, so I leapt at him shrieking as hard as I could and bit his head, guarding the traces that remained and growling at him menacingly.  It was a tense moment, when my plan could have been ruined by the portly kelb.

The female Infidel, hearing the commotion, popped a soapy head around the shower curtain and morphed into a deranged harpy, all soap and screaming like a hellcat.  She leapt from the shower and almost perished as she blindly went sailing across the wet floor, sending her to new levels of dementia.  The kelb and I looked at each other surreptitiously and we both fled in opposite directions as the soaked, soapy crone emerged from the bathroom in a fit of apoplexy.  The bedroom door was thrust open and we were both unceremoniously propelled through it, I saw her foot almost make contact with my retreating hind, as I ran like the clappers down the stairs elbowing the kelb out of the way.  I could still hear the shrill rasping of the female Infidel on the rampage, as I collapsed at the bottom of the stairs in a fit of hysteria.

She has sat scowling on the couch ever since!  I have drifted off to sleep listening to the whirring of the washing machine in the background, punctuated by the female snorting like a buffalo, seething and snarling at all who dared to approach.   Even the kelb has steered clear of his beloved patron.  Infidels have a tendency to sulk for days and days, they are not as forgiving as us Salukis.  

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