Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Day 744 of Captivity

It has been an eventful week.  The infidels invited a pack of strange heretics over at the weekend.  There were six of them and it was quite stressful, as they were rather rambunctious!  They finally all left and went out together and the kelb and I were left in the care of the adolescent infidels.  Around midnight, we decided to make the adolescents let us out in the back yard.  The kelb went to his favourite bush to urinate.  Unbelievably, there was a peasant cat hiding in there!  The kelb, unaware of the presence of the vile feline, urinated on it, and it was none too pleased.

The peasant cat had the sheer audacity to launch an assault on the kelb!  I could not believe the impudence of the wretched creature.  The kelb was scandalised and became hostile; his hackles raised, he launched the peasant creature into the BBQ.  It made a break for it and ran up the garden wall, but I was not about to let a peasant cat behave so outrageously, even if his insolence was aimed at a common kelb!  I made chase and trapped it in the bushes, but the adolescents had become quite hysterical at this stage.  Realising that spraying water at us was ineffectual they banged some dishes together, which pulled us from our murderous trance!  They used this opportunity to unceremoniously shove us back into the house.  They then called the female infidel who rushed home to see what all the commotion was about.  We were forbidden to go out without her eagle eyes upon us, by that time the half witted cat had made a swift exit and has not been seen on our turf since.  The cats of today are just so ill bred, I could not believe my eyes!  It actually had the nerve to scratch my nose.  If it weren't for those pesky adolescents I would have certainly dispatched the treacherous brute!

I have been quite restless for the last few days.  The female infidel is fretting that I am about to suffer another pseudo season.  I have not gone out of my way to demonstrate otherwise and have used the opportunity to be more unruly than usual.  I have had the female infidel at my beck and call retrieving articles that I have pilfered from around the house.  She invited an infidel round that she did not know too well and was absolutely fuming when I stole the visitor's shoe and did a lap of victory of the lounge.  I didn't get the chance to chew it, as it was snatched from me in a most impolite fashion.  It was amusing to see her squirming and making her apologies to the stranger.  I love to humiliate her!

This morning was hilarious!  I woke in the small hours of the morning and made sure the female was up.  To my good luck she thought her alarm was going off and she was slapping alarm clocks and floundering about in the dark.  I almost burst out laughing when she emerged from the bathroom bleary eyed and dressed!  She stumbled downstairs behind us.  When we got down there she started to get our cycling gear out.  This was too good to ruin by laughing.  I don't know how I managed it, but I allowed her to get me ready to go and the kelb who is a moron anyway just went along with it.  She seemed perplexed when she got to the front door and saw that it was dark but she hooked us up to the bike anyway and off we went.  We did our circuits in complete darkness.  When we got back the female infidel stomped into the lounge and looked at the clock.  That was it, I could contain myself no more!  I laughed so much my ribs hurt.  The dullard had only walked us at 330 AM!  I took a great deal of pleasure in her rage, as she silently fumed on the couch, throwing me the odd glare.  It is a fact that dogs fall into a routine, what a delightful routine to have her up and out at such an unearthly hour!


Stark Raving Zen said...

Vile cats indeed, Stella! I shudder to think of what I would do if I found a peasant cat in MY back garden! I'm sorry you had to be scratched. - Your devotee, Arya (captive Saluki to my mommy, Stark Raving Zen)

Luke Leigh said...

I think it is best said by "LOL"

Can't believe you were up at 3 to walk the dogs......now that is funny ;-)