Friday, 27 November 2009

Day 838 of Captivity

Eid Mubarak Infidels!  Of course there were no extravagant gifts or sumptuous delights for me; I was served up with the usual old gruel of chicken.  I forced it down.  The fat infidels made themselves a batch of delicious smelling blueberry muffins.  I was not even given so much as a sniff!  I waited until they were otherwise occupied, the female infidel smug in the knowledge they were "out of my reach."  Where there is a will there is a way and I stole one of the muffins to wash the foul taste of their gruel from my mouth.  The female infidel was not too pleased when she discovered my deed and she took the muffin off me and threw it away!  I was outraged!  That is just plain mean!  I was forced to take out my frustration on their Christmas tree, as I sprinted through the living room skidding into it several times over and delighting as it rocked precariously and I almost dislodged the fat fairy from the top, the female infidel screeching like a banshee and waving her arms at me like a crazed conductor on speed.

Yesterday was the infidel festival of Thanksgiving.  The kelb and I found ourselves abandoned at home and forced to watch never ending re-runs of the Antiques Road Show on BBC Entertainment.  Entertainment HA!  I couldn't even remove myself from this torment, as my captors had very thoughtfully pointed my cell at the television!  At least the kelb had the luxury of taking his foul smelling carcass to the upstairs quarters to sleep through the terminal drone of the fat tweedy people on the TV extolling the virtues of what appeared to me to be a collection of useless old pots and other chewables.  Eventually there was rather an amusing program in which a wizened old ginger hag berated a group of idiots, slowly whittling them down until there was only one left, who was named the "strongest link" and awarded a piffling amount of money that the other buffoons had managed to accrue whilst answering simple questions and floundering in the attempt!  I thoroughly enjoyed this program and feel I should become acquainted with the crone, as she seems to share my penchant for torturing fools.  

Eventually my own fools returned full of turkey and goodwill.  They spent the evening reclining on the couch loosening their clothes and attempting to dispatch the kelb and I with their own variant of chemical warfare.   

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