Sunday, 27 December 2009

Day 864 of Captivity

Thank goodness another Christmas season is finally over!  I cannot bear another day of festive bilge!  The adolescent infidels seemed most excited by their gift this year.  A bizarre machine that requires them to stand in front of the television pulling the most horrifying faces whilst flapping about with remote controls pretending to bowl or play darts.  I really can't see the fun in it, nor understand why they don't simply go bowling!  I was most amused when the kelb ran in front of the television during a "baseball game" only to be clobbered round his great thick head by the hairy infidel psychotically wielding a remote with his tongue out and looking like he was out without his carer.  I think he was actually quite glad to see the back of the infidels today after that.

The infidels didn't even bother to spend Christmas dinner with the kelb and I, we found ourselves once again stuck in front of the television listening to tedious tweedy people droning on about their "exciting finds".  The Infidels in the meantime went out to visit friends and quaff copious amounts of food, before subsequently falling asleep in front of the television.  I was most unimpressed, as Christmas day is a most prestigious counter surfing event.  I was even more aggrieved when the infidels returned full of cheer and regaling tales of the wonderful food they had consumed without us.  Blighters!

Yesterday presented many counter surfing opportunities.  The infidels invited many of their infidel friends over to the house and the female infidel spent much of the day concocting all kinds of dishes which she then spread out on the dining room table and expected me not to sample!  The dishes were heavily guarded during the day and I only managed to swipe 2 sausage rolls and some toasted bread which had I waited were spread with prawn cocktail!  Every time the doorbell rang I took the opportunity to swipe some contraband off the table.  By the time all the guests arrived I was feeling quite full!  Never one to turn down a challenge, I spent much of the evening consuming prawn cocktail, tuna sarnies and the most sumptuous sausage rolls.  I even overpowered a guest and took her sausage roll, much to the horror of the onlooking infidels.  The female infidel apoligised and told her that I was evil!

Another years frivolities over and another year dawning in captivity. Let us hope that 2010 brings with it freedom!

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