Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Day 599 of Captivity

The female Infidel woke the male with a cup of tea and some toast this morning.  She then went back downstairs to get her own, leaving the kelb and I in the room with the male Infidel.  I was lolling about on the Infidels bed, when suddenly I lunged at the male and absconded with a slice of his toast smothered in delicious peanut butter.  The male was infuriated by my impudence and he jumped up out of bed and began pursuing me most vigorously.  We danced from one side of the bed to the other, and I could see he was about to explode with fury.  The female Infidel was aghast, as she opened the door to witness a naked male Infidel lunging across the bed like superman making a grab for my retreating posterior as I made a run for the now open door.  I am not sure who was more disturbed by the vision of a naked male infidel leaping through the air in a pathetic attempt to catch me, myself or the female Infidel.  She looked quite pale.

I made my way to the mid landing and relished my spoils.  The male Infidel sulked for quite some time, he did not even crack when I leant against him with huge sad eyes, fluttering my eyelashes.  That usually gets him every time, he is such a drama queen, he would have given me the toast anyway, I just couldn't wait!  The kelb was horrified and kept giving me withering stares from his bed, letting me know that he found my behaviour distasteful.  He then had the audacity to make several advances on my person throughout the day, when will he realise that I would never stoop so low!

The female infidel spent the morning baking the most delicious chocolate muffins, which she put under that annoying dome to prevent me from partaking in what should have been my share.  She is so miserly, her excuse is that chocolate is bad for dogs, looking at what it has done to her ass, perhaps she is right!  

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Day 597 of Captivity

Those dastardly villains have really gone too far this time.  I have a cut on my leg, which I have been keeping clean by chewing it.  This does not meet with the standards of the female infidel, however, and she has put some horrid stingy stuff on it and taped it all up.  To add to my humiliation she has then forced me to wear a stupid sock, to apparently keep it clean.  I think she just wants me to look a fool.  She is very cruel and told me if she catches me chewing the sock, she will put olbas oil on it to put me off!  She is a scoundrel and her cruelty knows no bounds!  She is convincing herself it is for my own good.  Poor deluded imbecile!

Not only have I had to endure this intolerable cruelty, but I was then forced to parade through the streets this morning, looking like I had a wooden leg.  Of course I milked it for all it was worth, and when we passed anyone I put on my most pathetic of faces.  I did get some sympathy, but no one seems to have felt compelled to come to my aid and free me.  I am still a captive.  I have concluded that all the infidels must be as depraved as each other.  I continue to document their acts of sadism against me, in the vain hope that someone out there will take pity on me and come to my rescue.  In the meantime I remain in this soul-destroying existence.  The Kelb is drooling on the couch next to me, he really is repugnant.  

The infidels managed to compound their abuse a few weeks back, thinking that I would be willing to share a chaise with the kelb for the evening whilst they slept.  Most kind of them to free me from my cell, but really, sleep with the kelb?  I choose jail!  I skulked off to my cell in a sullen mood.  I am a Pure bred Arabian princess and he is a disgusting troll, I would rather be flayed alive and rolled in salt than have to endure his drooling, smelly carcass next to me all evening.  The very thought makes my blood run cold!  Will this persecution ever end?

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Day 579 of Captivity

Today has been such a drag.  A most heinous dust storm swept through Riyadh this afternoon, turning the sky almost red!  We were confined to the prison, but quite frankly you wouldn't have got me outside today for anything!  I have spent much of the day lounging on the couch, in a state of unconsciousness.  

In an attempt to alleviate my boredom I went on a recce for food, as I was close to starvation given that the miserly infidels did not share their dinner with me just for a change. It smelt so nice as well and I gave them my best "wasting away" stare too!  I really don't know how they managed to resist, they are so insensitive.

The female infidel made some shortbread this morning, that took my fancy.  It was on the kitchen counter under a huge plastic dome.  I was so annoyed, I had just managed to get the dome off and removed a large slice for myself.  As I was about to clamp my jaws shut around my ill-gotten gains that infuriating cretin of a male infidel caught me in the act and swiped my contraband.  I was crushed.  He then banished me to my cell, berating me all the way.  I am waiting to be released for a second attempt, as I think I would have quite enjoyed eating that!  Damn infidels!  

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Day 577 of Captivity

There is no end to the cruelty that these infidels will stoop to.  This weekend I was taken in the motor vehicle to visit the Vet!  I do not like the Vet, he generally sticks needles in me for no good reason.  I refused to get out of my crate when we arrived and made sure that the female infidel had to heave and pant to get me out.  I then refused to walk on my own, I was not about to make it easy for them.  The female seems to believe I settle better with her, so she had the job of carrying me in and up the 2 flights of stairs.  She was wheezing like an asthmatic Rhino by the time we arrived at the desk of the Vet, most undignified!

The Vet then stabbed me in the neck, not once, but three times!  It was most disagreeable and if I could have turned my head I would have bitten him.  The one thing I did like about the Vet's was that there were many peasant cats just there for the taking, although of course the shadow of bore did not allow me to indulge in any such delight.  She really does suck the fun out of everything!  I was made to stand about while they prattled on with the Vet.  Finally they decided to return to the motor vehicle.  I walked there on my own, I was only too happy to be retreating from the Vet's.

We set off for home again.  Just as we were turning onto the street where we reside, I exacted my revenge.  I vomited through the bars of the crate, managing to catch the female infidel as it passed through the bars of the crate, splashing onto her aghast face.  An appropriate reprisal I feel.

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Day 573 of Captivity

I am so touched and humbled, a fellow blogger http://colyndog.blogspot.com and follower of my rantings has deemed me a Kreativ blogger and has given me my first award.  I feel guilty as I have not blogged as often as I would have liked to lately, due to the female infidel hogging the computer!  I have to nominate 7 other blogs, which will be very difficult as there are so many to choose from.   
Once you receive the Kreativ Blogger award you’re supposed to pass on the good cheer.

Here are the instructions:
1. Copy the award to your site.
2. Link to the person from whom you received the award.
3. Nominate 7 other bloggers. (how to choose only 7!!)
4. Link to those sites on your blog.
5. Leave a message on the blogs you nominate.

I pass along the good cheer to the following blogs:

1. http://www.petconnection.com/blog/2008/12/07/total-sighthound-world-domination/ 

Monday, 2 March 2009

Day 571 of Captivity

1 shoe (the female infidel was a bit put out by this as it was her favourite shoes, ah she still has one so I don't really see what she has to complain about!)
The infidels tea as it was left marinating, this made me sick, they really ought to learn to cook!
I have dug a trench right round the garden, which infuriated the female infidel, as the soil was wet and I got very dirty, so she bathed me; which in turn infuriated me!
1 kitchen chair leg, I only chewed it, it was not as if I completely destroyed it, but of course there were histrionics from the infidels
several dish cloths and tea towels
The new oven gloves
A candle, not too tasty that so I spit it out all over the place, and the female became quite vexed as she had not long hoovered.
2 pens, managed to deposit some of the ink on the carpet before they were confiscated.

All in all a pretty good week, although the infidels do not seem to be of the same opinion on the subject.  In fact I overheard the female infidel muttering about taking me to see someone called Vlad the Impaler to have my hormones suppressed, as I am due to be inoculated anyway.  I am not too sure I am happy about this, particularly as I heard her say that euthanasia might be cheaper in the long run!  

There seems to be no hope of ever enticing my Arabic neighbours into a rescue attempt.  They have forsaken me and gone over to the dark side, they are harbouring a peasant cat in their accommodation!  I have tried to warn them on several occasions that it had got in there by shouting across at them, but now it seems the peasant has got comfortable and has bewitched them.  It is wearing a collar, that usually means that they intend to keep you.  I am demoralised, if anything I thought they might be my saviours one day.  To add insult to injury the peasant keeps looking smugly across at me from the window of their abode.  I am resigned to the fact I am facing more endless days of monotony under the regime of the infidels.