Sunday, 26 April 2009

Day 623 of Captivity

What an absolutely dreadful week I have had!  Not only have I had to endure having more Infidels around me, but I have also been having another pseudo season.  The kelb has been a dribbling, whining buffoon, no change from normal granted, but he has followed my every move and been fawning all over me.  I have standards!  I was taken to the vet to see if they can help as this has been the worst one in a long time.  The Infidels have found a new vet and seemed to be very confident in him.  There was talk of x-rays to confirm the remnant and possibly another spay operation!  I feel pretty fed up at the moment and I swear if the kelb doesn't stop his whining, I will bite his face off!

On the bright side, there was a glimmer of hope yesterday! I saw a peasant cat on our bike ride and one tug, I managed to snap my leash and break free.  I was so excited at the prospect of dispatching the cat, I didn't realise I could have run away!  I ran off at top speed and screeched to an emergency stop just over the peasant creature, but it made off and ran under a car.  The female Infidel was frantic and screaming my name.  She released the kelb from the bike to chase me down.  The cat ran under the nearest car and I stood guard ready to pounce when it came out, but unfortunately I was so focussed on the cat, I didn't see the female coming and she grabbed my collar and walked myself and the kelb home.  She was in a black mood.  When she got home, she realised I was bleeding, I had skinned my pads and the back of my rear leg in my emergency skid on the concrete.  She has put some cream on them and will not let me keep them clean.  When I chew them clean, she threatens to make me wear a lamp shade on my head, these Infidels are just the pits! 

We did not go out on the bike this morning, but were walked round.  I will wait until next time and run away, that vacuous cat distracted me, but now I know there is a way...........

Monday, 20 April 2009

Day 618 of Captivity

The other night the Infidels were feeling lazy and ordered their dinner from the restaurant.  The male Infidel put some money on the dresser ready to pay for the delivery and then popped to the lavatory.  While he was gone, I surreptitiously removed the money from the dresser and took it into the lounge and shredded it into a million pieces.  The male returned from the lavatory and sat on the couch waiting for the food to arrive.  I lay on the couch with a sly grin on my face.  The doorbell rang and  I have to admit to taking some perverse pleasure out of seeing him go to the dresser, see the money was missing, then go about the house shouting to everyone asking them if they had removed it.  The look of sheer horror as he passed through the lounge and saw the carpet festooned with a confetti of money was just hilarious.  Not nearly as funny as seeing him red faced on the door step explaining to the restaurant that he would have to pass by later and drop off some money, as his beloved pet had ingested the money he had set aside.  More amusing was the sheer realisation that it was one puzzle he was not going to ever be able to reconstruct as I had swallowed the odd piece.

I am suffering for my deed now as a few nights ago the house was invaded by yet more Infidels.  These are the very Infidels that spawned the female!  They are sleeping in the house and still have not left, it has been almost a week now.  I hope that they are not staying for good.  The Infidel they call Grandad worries me.  I urinated on the end of his bed to let him know that I was not amused by his trespassing.  I have tried to gain access to the room since, but they seem to be keeping it locked up tight.

Friday, 3 April 2009

Day 601 of Captivity

The female Infidel was ill yesterday.  She went to bed to wallow in her own self pity and of course the creepy kelb went with her to lie by her side, throwing her the odd pitying look and being a general crawler.  He disgusts me!  I went up there too, because I am quite nosey.  The female Infidel eventually drifted off to sleep, but lying watching her being feeble was becoming rather tedious.  I was bored and decided to sprint round the room at top speed, jumping hard onto the bed a couple of times, until the female Infidel sat up wide eyed and swearing like a Trooper, flapping her arms around and generally looking outraged.  She then threw the bedroom door open and dismissed me, sending me from the room.  I was only too glad to leave and went downstairs, her reddened distorted face and shrill rantings retreating into the distance as I ran downstairs to the safety of the male Infidel, who at least saw the funny side to my escapade.  She has no sense of fun!

It is raining again today, and there is no chance the female will get me out there running today.  I hate rain!  I am so bored though.  The Infidels will not allow me to amuse myself by sprinting round the lounge.  I have thrown the couch into the window a couple of times, which is enough to send the female Infidel into a rage, she keeps threatening to crate me if I don't calm down.  I have indulged in a spot of counter surfing, but the stingy Infidels have taken to hiding any contraband in the microwave and I can't quite get the door open myself.  I have tried dragging it off the counter to see if the fall would open the door, but the noise it makes tends to alert the infidels who are never too far away from me for some strange reason. 

I am lying on the back of the couch staring out of the windows, amusing myself by barking at passers by, this activity tends to gall the infidels, especially when the vacuous kelb joins in, because he is very loud and irritating.