Tuesday, 16 February 2010

day 914 of Captivity

A couple of days ago the female infidel went off to one of her coffee mornings.  When she returned she brought with her an entourage of ladies.  The kelb and I went out into the garden with two of them.  Unbeknown to the female infidel I slunk back inside and was left unattended in the lounge.  The female infidel was far too busy twittering on in the kitchen to some poor soul.  Realising that I was no longer out in the garden and that I was very quiet, she thought it wise to come and investigate.  

She was left red faced and aghast when she discovered that in her absence I had been foraging through the  visitors bags and to my delight I had discovered a heart shaped cookie so beautifully wrapped, I was sure it must be for me.  I took the cookie out of the bag, carefully unwrapped it and of course devoured it, I am not sure I even tasted it.  The female infidel stood in the doorway burbling her excuses and throwing me the most withering looks.  I snorted my contempt for her and trotted gaily into the garden to see if any of the other visitors had been kind enough to bring me a gift.  

The cycling contraption has been off the road for a few days.  It is entirely the kelb's fault.  I am not sure there is a bike on the planet capable of standing up to his corpulent carcass, as he  gallops through the compound with gay abandon.  The brakes were non existent and the rear tyre in shreds.  The female infidel was forced to lead walk us and is now incapacitated having come down with a terrible bout of shin splints.  She is lying on the couch with her feet up looking thoroughly miserable and bleating every few seconds that she is in great pain but mustn't grumble.  No longer able to bear her bleating, the male infidel dragged her off to the hospital and she is now off her face on pain killers and a lot quieter (and pleasanter).  

We will have fun tomorrow, as the male infidel has been press ganged into taking us for a walk.  We haven't been out for two days, as the female infidel has been on her death bed and the male infidel is far too lazy to walk us AND put in a days work at the office.  Much eye rolling and scowling has taken place by the female infidel and I don't think he dare refuse a third day.  After all she dragged herself round in "great pain"!  I intend to take full advantage of the situation and have been secretly dining on sprouts and peanuts for days, I intend to make the evacuation as public and spectacular as possible, as he never remembers to carry bags.  Security are fully aware where he resides, as it is a very small compound.  I can hardly wait for that knock on the door!

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