Sunday, 28 February 2010

Day 926 of Captivity

Those devils took me in the automobile to visit the Vee Ee Tee today!  As soon as the female infidel separated her beloved kelb from me, I knew she was up to something.  I made sure she had to chase me round the house to get my leash on, snorting and wheezing like an asthmatic rhino, as she tried her best to catch up with me.  She finally managed to get me into the vehicle, although I did my best to prevent this from happening by spreading all four feet across the open door and tugging back as hard as I could.  I was no match for the Russian shot putter's sturdy frame (especially as I was weak with hunger) and her might prevailed.

Once in the car it took me all my strength to summon up a feeble amount of bile, as the evil shrew, fearing the worst on the car journey, starved me today.  I had to almost turn myself inside out to vomit on her, but I managed enough to make her gag.  Twice on the way there and twice on the way home, the male infidel was driving like the Stig over the most bumpy bits of road he could possibly find.

Once at the offices of the nefarious creature they call the Vet, I was completely terrified.  Last time they took me I was sawn in half!  Everyone in the waiting room of course thought I was extremely beautiful and cooed and sighed over me, but I gave them all my most piercing stare to make sure they kept away.  A kelb was brought in and I gave the cheeky young upstart my most withering stare.  He was unable to meet my gaze and rushed passed me to get into the room with the Vet!  Little did he know I just found him distasteful, Sweeny Todd the Vet was going to steal his testicles!  Kelbs are so vapid.

I was brutally stabbed twice by the Vet in the neck.  He also manhandled my ears which made me very unhappy.  If I was not so worried that Sweeny Todd would chop me up, I would have surely bitten him.  The infidels seemed quite happy to let this evildoer manhandle me as much as he liked, as they twittered on about my diet or lack thereof!  I only weighed a pitiful 17.5 KGs, as the witch has starved me to the brink of death!  

When I returned home again, the kelb was so thrilled to see me he drooled on me!  9 out of 10 voices in my head told me to kill him, the other just kept humming the melody of Tetris!

I have been forced to scout the kitchen for the remains of the infidel's meal in the dishes which were left soaking in the kitchen sink (she must have burnt the dinner again).  It tasted of soap and was not very filling!  How they have managed to get so fat on what they eat, I shall never know, most of their food is disgusting and tastes like feet or perhaps it is just her cooking! 


sharon said...

Hello fellow captive! I have at last found a kindred spirit with whom I can share my frustrations and loss of social status. I am "Buzz", not my real name but the short one they can yell at me that's easier for them to remember. I am forced to share my domicile with 6 humans and a large collection of lesser canines, none of whom are the least bit worthy of my attention, unless of course, they are one of the girls in season! The ungrateful idiots who care for me won't let me lavish them with my Casanova-style lovin', something to do with "wrong breed"! What do I care when they are soooo inviting! I sit at the window, staring inside, singing love songs through the fly screen, but no-one seems to appreciate my Michael Bolton impersonations. I got them back though, the other night I tore the doggy door off the back door (the hole was now big enough for me to squeeze through) and when they found me and gave me a rather nasty talking to, I paid them back by waiting until they were all asleep and I tore the fly screen away from the window, climbed into the loungeroom and spent the night with my beloved, anyway!! Ha! You should have seen the looks on the humans faces when they woke up to find I had foiled their ridiculous plans to keep us apart. Unfortunately they realised their mistake, so the windows are shut tight....damn them!
Anyway, I would love to talk to you more and share our experiences. Maybe we can keep in touch? I can send a photo, I am quite a handsome gent!! Cheers!

Stella (given to me by the infidels) said...

Buzz those infidels are a nefarious breed indeed. I sympathise with you, one kelb is more than enough to have to contend with but to be forced to live with a number of half breeds, I really cannot begin to imagine your plight! And the name Buzz, you poor, poor prince! I feel it is only fair that you tore down their screen door and think that you should not stop there. Make them suffer for their cruelty. Perhaps one day when I escape we can meet. Keep up the fight my dear, these infidels must be stopped!

Stella Xx