Thursday, 8 July 2010

Day 1055 of Captivity

It has been all go around here! The female infidel recently took in a young blind Saluki cross puppy, she had this insane idea that having a puppy to mother would help to settle my hormones! She really couldn't have timed it better, I had a pseudo season during his stay. Quite frankly, I don't have a maternal bone in my body! Puppies are irritating little creatures and he was half kelb! The very idea that a Saluki would sully themselves in such a way just beggars belief. I soon tired of the cheeky young upstart, when he thought it was fun to chew my tail. I can quite understand why some animals consume their young! They just take up too much of your time and take the limelight away from you! Everyone coos and burbles over them. Granted, infidels coo and burble much of the time, it was hard to tell the difference.

Thankfully he only stayed a short while and she was able to find him a home. Life has returned to the usual tedium but the female infidel is back to my beck and call. I spent much of the time he was staying pacing round restlessly; it almost drove the female infidel to the brink of insanity. Particularly when these pacing episodes were carried out during the wee hours of the morning. (tee hee)

The only bonus to having the puppy around was that the kelb was completely terrified of him. One evening he was trapped in the laundry room, because said pup was stood in front of him. He is such a buffoon, he towered over the puppy and could have crushed him in the wink of an eye, but being the great girl that he is, averted his eyes and looked extremely worried (I have taught him this is a requirement when standing in front of a Saluki, so perhaps the half breed confused him. He isn't blessed in the brains department!). The female infidel had to come and save him from the peril of being stared at by a tiny weeny puppy, who was blind!

Of course it was up to me to teach the young upstart any manners. Not chewing my tail seemed to be a lesson he struggled to learn. He was such a drama queen when I severely scruffed him for it. The female infidel said I was far too harsh! I have seen her savage her offspring on many an occasion. Smacks rather of the pot calling the kettle to me!

Now that the puppy has gone I have been able to return to my role as "Undisputed Counter Surfing Champion, KSA". (C'mon dispute me; I dare you!) Just the other day the infidels baked a key lime pie. They put it on the counter and turned to get some plates out. The pie, baked with love and still warm was too good to resist, I decided to help myself much to their horror. The male infidel shouted at me, I snorted at him and continued to eat, he didn't seem to find this very acceptable especially as I only ate the meringue. Last night I was able to abscond with a garlic naan; the male infidel thought that the usual flapping of arms would convince me to drop my contraband, but I found it much more entertaining to eat on the hoof and made him chase me round the dining table, until I came down with a case of heartburn. I regretted this act at 3 am when I found myself crapping like a goose in the garden, under the harsh glare of the female infidel. She also strongly objected to my skiing round the lounge carpet post pooing! She is such a drag.