Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Day 1318 of Captivity

Finally, my embassy has learnt of my plight at the hands of the nefarious infidels!  I was more than a little disappointed that instead of sending representatives from the embassy, they sent some members of the British paparazzi to photograph my predicament.  No doubt it will take time to build a case against the infidels and I shall have to remain steadfast and patient whilst they do this.  The male member of the paparazzi took many photographs and I made sure to look as pathetic as I could possibly muster in order that when the Bedouin learn of this outrage they are suitably horrified by my circumstances.

Not only have I been incarcerated in a foreign land against my will, but they have also locked me up with the kelb!  I hope that the paparazzi were not under the impression that we are together or that he needs saving too!  To add insult to injury I am surrounded by kelbs, the neighbouring beasts are truly frightful and I thought that the kelb I have been forced into residence with was a gargoyle!  I do not know how long I can last in this perdition.  

The male member of the Paparazzi seemed to know that Marshmallows were my kryptonite and he came fully armed with them, that dastardly man even managed to coax me out of the indoor enclosure.  I hope that seeing photos of me being hand fed marshmallows does not interfere with the case in any way, I feel rather embarrassed that I was not strong willed enough to resist, but in this gulag one takes the good things where one can.

I have been forced to maim myself by causing a small friction burn on my nose.  This is after all a prison and I don't want the other kelbs to think me a weakling.  I felt a small scar was a minor sacrifice in order to give me some notoriety and make the kelbs fear me, as now they think I am bit dangerous because I am sporting a wound.  Oh, kelbs are so vapid, they are easily fooled!

Yes, I believe it makes me look rather savage, if not a little vicious.  Hopefully it will keep any potential threat from these brutes at bay.  

Of course the vacuous one is enjoying every minute of this hideous incarceration and spends his days staring at the neighbouring kelbs in deep fascination.  I cannot believe he thought he was the only one of his kind, huh!  If only!  Whenever the guards come into the enclosure, he of course throws himself at them in total delight and acts in a completely undignified manner giving them a paw and generally being a little sycophant. It is absolutely sickening to see.

I can only pray that the press releases the story of my plight soon in order that the embassy can repatriate me to my beloved land and free me from this frozen nightmare!