Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Day 21 in Exile

Walking in this God forsaken land has proven to be a living nightmare!  Yesterday the female infidel dragged us to the beach, the winds were so high that I was literally blown clean off my feet 3 or 4 times at least!  The female infidel fancies herself as a comedienne and has discussed attaching weight bracelets to my ankles!  I might bite her!

The only consolation to all the misery is watching the kelb, he is even more of a buffoon than ever these days.  When we went to the beach yesterday, not only was I blown all over the place, but I was sand blasted to within an inch of my life as well!  The kelb didn't even seem to notice and spent his time "murdering" sea weed.  He was running up and down the beach like a lunatic.  I swear if he body slams me one more time I shall eat his liver!  The miserable shrew would not let me lose to dispatch a couple of crows that were taunting me, she was worried if I ran I would keep on running.  Whatever gave her that idea?  My life is so great, I bent over and a rainbow shot out of my ass! Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

I was reduced to hysterics last week when the male and female decided to drag us out in the most horrific weather.  The wind was howling and balls of ice were falling from the sky for goodness sake.  We walked along to the pier over the hill.  In order to get there one must negotiate a cattle grid, however there is a gate that can be opened, so they decided to take that option.  Before they had a chance to walk over to the gate, the kelb flung his beefy carcass across the cattle grid with all the grace of a stunned rhino!  The male infidel totally unexpecting this turn of events was dragged with him and the kelb did a double roll and landed in a heap the other side of the grid.  The female infidel then became enraged with the male infidel and yelled at him, as if the kelb's foolishness was all his fault, all the while I sniggered under my breath.  Thankfully the kelb's utter stupidity brought an end to the torment of having to walk in driving rain and we turned back for home.  The kelb put on an Oscar performance of being injured, but as usual he forgot which was the right leg and kept limping and holding out alternate legs.  I think the pier is now off the list of walks for the forseeable future.

1 comment:

houndstooth said...

A rainbow, eh? That must have been one colorful fart! I am so sorry for the indignities you continue to bear!