Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Day 64 in Exile

Life at Ice Station Zebra has certainly got a hell of a lot chillier.  I never knew it was possible to be so cold!  Frozen white stuff has been falling from the sky for days, covering the ground in a crisp white carpet of icy horridness.  Walking with the harpy is such a bore at the moment, as she gingerly crawls along at a pace that would have a snail overtaking her!  Her dulcet tones filling the air as she shrieks at the kelb to "Go steady!".  I have even caught her toady rolling his eyes on walks of late, as she inches along the lane like an asthmatic tortoise.

This morning was hilarious!  We took a short walk to the beach this morning, as the shrew keeps bleating about a bad knee.  She was even more cautious than ever today, because the temperatures have dropped and the fallen snow has turned into a vast landscape of slippery ice.  Getting ready to go out takes forever, as she layers herself and us up in coats, attaches spikes to her shoes and wears all manner of bizarre attire before she will even contemplete stepping out of the house.  Once we were finally trussed up like stuffed penguins, we all waddled down the road to the beach.  Just as we reached the bridge to the beach the kelb became very excited and alerted me to a field full of sheep, the sheep seeing his gargoyle like features, took off across the field in fright ( he is very ugly).  I then decided to join in pointing out the sheep to the Harpy, who started to turn very red and become shriller and shriller as she was trying to fasten the gate shut again whilst holding onto a flimsy bag of (the kelb's) feces she had collected on route (a very strange infidel ritual that I am yet to undserstand) and both of our leads.  As we were both boisterously pointing out the sheep the bag of poo was being flung this way and that, I was sure it would burst open onto her head.  This was making her redder and redder and she became rather enraged at this point.  She finally managed to secure the gate and decided to leave the bag there to collect on the way back.  We headed for the bridge, at which point we were so excited at the prospect of some running that we rushed across the bridge at a rate of knots dragging her like a sack behind us as she stumbled and swore her way onto the beach.  The beach was also covered in ice at the top end where the sea had not reached and I burst into hysterics as the kelb was released and took off like a bat out of hell across the beach, only to hit the ice and skid legs flailing like a new born deer until he eventually landed in a crumpled heap winded and did a couple of rolls yelping.  he got up and then tested each leg trying to work out which one to feign injury from.  He is such a gormless git!

We had a run up and down the beach and then returned home.  I still felt hyped up after the walk and once the female infidel had freed me from my layers of coats and leads I rushed upstairs and un-made all of the beds.  She came up behind me and sent me back down, but as she was re-making the beds I followed her round at great speed and undid them again. However, she did not find it as amusing as I did! 

I am now lay in my basket under a balnket sleeping off this mornings shenanigans.


Anonymous said...

Pure genius!

houndstooth said...

Way to keep them on their toes!