Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Day 420 in Exile

Another walk down to the beach this morning.  There was a dead seal washed ashore and the seagulls were all feasting on it, until the kelb arrived!  He spent most of the morning chasing seagulls into the sea and then being chased away from the carcass of the seal by the shrew.  It was hilarious to see her waving her arms and shrieking at him, I am sure he was toying with her today.  Maybe my evil is rubbing off on him at last.

We went up into the dunes, my favourite part.  I was running about attempting to excavate the rabbits from their warrens with little luck.  I went off up onto a high bit of the dune on my long line and the shrew walked along at the bottom.  She called me to hurry up at one point and when she got no response she gave the line a gentle tug, which was enough to catch me off balance.  To my horror I did a roly poly down the sand dune and landed in a heap at the bottom on my back, all four of my little stick legs were stuck up in the air flailing to get right again.  The shrew turned to see this spectacle and burst out laughing as I writhed around on the floor trying to get up.  It took the old bat a while to compose herself and finally come to my aid, by which time I had managed to right myself.  I stuck my nose up in the air and pushed past the giggling shrew.  She spent the rest of the walk insisting on telling me just how hilarious she thought my predicament was and chuckled to herself all the way back to the house!  How VERY dare she!

Friday, 23 November 2012

Day 410 in Exile

On the home stretch this morning the kelb was spending rather a long time sniffing about in the bushes, the shrew was growing impatient with him.  He continued to faff about in the scrub sniffing every blade of grass and withered thistle in his wake, the grumpy shrew trudged along beside him.  Suddenly we were all startled, the kelb appeared ot have accidently flushed a pheasant from the scrub ( I am sure it had absolutely NOTHING to do with his hunting "skills").  Once the kelb and I regained composure we wanted to go after it, there was a scuffle and some comotion followed by a thud and we were pulled towards the scrub only to come face to face with a vision of horror. 

The shrew had lost her footing in all the comotion and fallen into the scrub behind which was a rather large ditch.  The kelb and I peered over the ditch at the shrew who was on her back and seemed to have turned into Mrs De Niro.  Death threats were issued, she was all red faced and teeth as she scrabbled out of the ditch, she was covered in foul smelling bog water and her hair and clothes were festooned with dried dead thistles and grass. 

She made it back onto the bank of the ditch just in time for two surfers to come plodding through the field.  The kelb and I were forced to do the walk of shame past the surfers with the bog monster in tow.   I made eye contact to indicate that the stink was emenating from the shrew and once again the shrew found herself in the field with a pair of surfers scrabbling to get away from her.  We picked up the pace homeward as she snarled and gnashed her way along the path.  I suspect that walks may be off the agenda this weekend!

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Day 409 in Exile

The shrew took us up into the sand dunes again this morning.  As soon as we got up there the kelb started showing off because he was off lead, he was leaping and skipping up and down the dunes.  He leapt onto one hill and fell off!  He has all the grace of a wounded rhino, he went from skipping gayly through the hills to tumbling down it in a grunting wheezing heap in about 2 seconds.  He attempted a gymnastic landing, but his front legs gave out as he landed and he crumpled onto his chin.  He then of course had to go through the drama of hopping about for a time to make the shrew worry over him, of course the gormless git was inconsisitent about which leg he hopped with!

We carried on trundling through the dunes, I was snorting about in the long grass looking for any bunnies that might be out.  The shrew is so kind she allows me to be on a long line so I can go off and have a good snort, I went through a tunnel of grass but because the shrew was 5 metres away I went through and the line went over.  The old bat tried to coax me back through the tunnel of grass, but being slight I wasn't heavy enough to push the grass aside.  She ended up having to come in and get me.  After a lot of panting and wheezing she finally managed to get me free, I jumped over her and continued snuffling about, she looked rather put out by this as she fell backwards in a heap and had to hang onto the line and right herself.

We made our way back down towards the beach again, the shrew shouted the kelb to wait for us.  As he stood waiting at the top of the descent back down to the sand an insane rabbit ran right under his nose, the kelb almost took a heart attack and leapt six feet into the air and took off in the opposite direction.  He then, clearly trying to regain composure did a circle and pretended to go after the rabbit, which no doubt by this stage had made it to China!  He really is a ninny!

We all bundled back down onto the beach and the kelb found a massive bit of seaweed he decided to engage in battle.  He picked it up and flung it into the air a few times and then grabbed it and ran off, the seaweed was so big that as he tried to run away with it he tripped and once again went sailing down the beach on his chin!  Planktonstein to the last!

 Have you ever just looked at someone and thought "who pee'd in that gene pool?"

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Day 407 in Exile

Hahahahaahahahahaahahahahahaa!  Oh my, I have bellyache from laughing so much this morning!  The kelb has truly excelled himself today.  He woke the shrew up at 6 am, as he threw up seaweed he had consumed the day before all over her bedroom rug.  He is such a drama queen you can hear him hurling in Manchester!  The shrew cleared it all up and then went back to bed.  Once we got up and had breakfast we went for a walk to the beach, the first thing the kelb did was to run onto the beach and start grazing on the seaweed.  The shrew was outraged and began windmilling, she shooed him down to the far end of the beach away from any potential scavenging attempts.

We moved up into the dunes and as there was no one around and no sheep the shrew let the kelb free.  A move she was about to bitterly regret.  There were a few rabbits darting about the dunes and the kelb went after them, he is so old and slow he had no chance.  The shrew hurried through the dunes as I leapt about in the long grass snorting and checking out as many warrens as I could on my long line.  The kelb suddenly disappered, the shrew whistled, nothing.  She whistled again, still nothing.  This was very unusual for the kelb as he is such a big wuss if he loses eye contact with her he has a melt down.  The shrew whistled a third time and this time the kelb's stupid fat head popped up looking gormless as ever.  It would appear that Planktonstein had decided to go all Black Ops on the rabbits and disguise himself by rolling in the most rancid, smelly poo!

The shrew was raging.  She made him walk several paces ahead of us and then as we approached the beach again she put him back on a lead.  We made our way back down the path towards home the shrew chastised the kelb as we went, I could barely walk for sniggering.  The shrew had a major stomp on.  As we got into the last field two surfers came along the narrow path, but as soon as their nostrils made contact with the rancid smell of the kelb they gave us a very wide berth.  The shrew exaseprated feebly explained that it was the dog that smelt, I am not convinced they believed her as they scrabbled off as fast as they could, surf boards under their arms.

The kelb has now been shampooed to within an inch of his life and told in no uncertain terms if he even LOOKS at her new couches she will flatten him. He is pouting on his bed and she is pouting on the sofa.  I can't stop laughing!

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Day 384 in Exile

For once it is the kelb and not I that is in trouble!  This morning while we were out trudging in the torrential rain he saw a young deer.  I was far too busy wishing the shrew were wearing concrete shoes at the bottom of the ocean, as I slowly began to develop gills!  The kelb on the other hand sprang into action and darted down the hill like a tank.  The shrew, clearly not awake, was forced to flap about behind him like a limp hankerchief pulling me along for the ride as he powered down the hill.  It was so wet she struggled to gain traction and became shriller and shriller as she was dragged down the hill clinging onto his lead like an olympian water skier.  The deer had long gone into the brush, taking one look at the approaching gargoyle and red faced Medussa and fleeing for its life.  I was forced to trundle along as they engaged in battle, until the shrew finally managed to gain control and make an about turn in the opposite direction.  Thankfully we were heading back to the dry and warm of the car and the ride home.  I have put my jumper on and gone to bed for the day.  The kelb had better not even consider making eye contact with me today!  Not that I can see very well after having torretial rain beat into my eyes all morning!  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Day 279 in Exile

The shrew cooked up a meal of Bratwurst and chips ( I know they are such cullinary giants!) a few days ago and the tubby infidels all tucked in with gusto.  The kelb and I were left sat in the background attempting our most pitiful looks in order to tempt the infidels into taking pity on us and sharing in their bounty.  It seemed we would have no such luck, and we were vigorously shooed away from  the edges of any plates in a most fierce manner!  We threw ourselves huffily to the floor and looked on salivating, as the greedy infidels scoffed down their tea without giving us a second thought!

Suddenly the shrew dropped half a sausage from her fork and to my horror the kelb immediately leapt into action pouncing in the direction that the sausage took as it fell from her fork.  He was no match for the shrew though; she swiftly caught the precious sausage with her knee and brutally fought the kelb off.  However, whilst she was pre-ocuppied with fending him off from the fallen prize, I swept in and swiped the remaining Teutonic delight from her plate and quickly choked it down on the run.  She was furious!  Oh it tasted delicious, I can see why the infidels are so reluctant to share it, even the man shrew was hard to work this evening as he relished each mouthful.

The shrew has the utter cheek to say that Salukis can sulk, it has been three days now and she is still eating as if she is on A Wing of a rather brutal prison!  If I even venture close to her plate I am met with the glint of her fork and a glare that would wither Superman.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Day 258 in Exile

The shrew does not seem to appreciate me serenading her with my Bedouin folk songs at midnight, she appreciates it even less when she stumbles out of bed like some kind of Apocolyptic Zombie and lurches towards my crate yelling at me that I had better need to pee or else.  I pottered around the garden, taking my time to sniff every plant, as the shrew muttered under her breath.  As we went through the front door I was instructed very sternly that I had better get myself back to bed and shut my face!  The shrew can be very rude and ungrateful sometimes.

Needless to say she was not really up for the game of "Just out of reach" that I attempted to engage her in after our amble round the garden in the evening dusk.  In fact she became quite irate as I skipped about the lounge easily avoiding her clumsy grabbing as she hissed through gritted teeth that I would be shortly dispatched if I did not go to bed.  Knowing that she is incapable of catching me, I blew a few raspberries in her direction and carried on leaping about from couch to chair, until she became enraged and threw a cushion at me!  I was outraged, I could have been killed!  I huffed upstairs and threw myself on her bed in a sulk. 

The shrew was further exasperated when she had finally lumbered up the stairs and discovered me sprawled on her bed.  She tried to shoo me away into my crate, but I continued the game of "Just out of reach" with her.  She was now fuming and yelling at me that she had no intention of playing and she kept telling me what time it was.  I scuttled about her bed a bit more sniggering to myself.  Every now and again the kelb raised his big fat head from his basket and shot me a look of disgust.  I blew a raspberry at him too.

The shrew finally lost patience and rugby tackled me to the bed, then attempted to lift me off, I hung like a sack of potatoes and wriggled about to make sure it was not easy to move me.  I was then unceremoniously stuffed into my crate and warned that if there was one more peep out of me that evening I would be taken on a long walk of a short pier!  I flung myself down in the crate and pouted, making sure that the shrew felt suitably guilty for being so unkind, but she simply glowered at me and turned off the lamp saying a very huffy "GOODNIGHT!"

She looks a bit rough this morning and it took a good 20 minutes post alarm for her to drag herself out of her pit.  I was greeted with a glare and she has huffed under her breath since she woke up.  Perhaps it was a bridge too far to run off with the fixings for her new blinds when I got downstairs this morning, she almost had a siezure.  I didn't dare chew them as the look of pure rage on her face was enough to end that little game.  The shrew is such a hideous bore!

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Day 250 in Exile

We have just got back from our walk this morning and the shrew is in the foulest of moods.  The walk was fairly boring for the most part, the usual trudge for miles along the forest track not passing a soul.  The kelb and I munching on the odd bit of sheep poo when the shrew wasn't paying attention.  If she catches us, you would think we had eaten a baby!  She launches into a tirade of whinging about how revolting we are, while we trot along beside her rolling our eyes.

Just as we were getting to the end of the walk, the shrew spotted another walker coming with his two dogs.  We see them on the odd occasion and I have taken a dislike to his kelb companions.  The shrew knows this and she got me into a headlock which was most undignified and launched herself into the scrub at the side of the path dragging the kelb with her.  I was not amused at being forced into the scrub like some commoner and I started screaming abuse at the passing kelbs who in turn yelled back at me.  The kelb not having a clue what we were all yelling about, decided that he too must join in the shouting.  The two infidels looked at each other somewhat embarrassed as we all hurled abuse at each other like some sort of unruly football crowd.  All the while the shrew was hanging onto us both for grim death, her teeth gritted as she told us both we had better be quiet and stop making a show of her.  Pah!  She was red faced, and in a ditch wrestling two dogs, making show of herself!  I was very cross at being held onto and started to fling myself in the air and shake as if I was throwing off water after a bath, it was very difficult for the shrew to hold onto me but blow me she managed it!  I carried on with the flinging as the passing infidel sped up with his two dogs looking rather concerned that we would be too much for the shrew.  The woman is built like a Russian shot putter, I tried with all my might to get free of her and eat his dogs, but it was like wrestling with a bloody Crocodile.  She gritted her teeth and became pretty ticked off as I continued with the flinging and shrieking.  Eventually I managed to pull her over in the ditch and she landed on her knees on the rocks, as she had ended up standing on the kelbs lead and she lost her footing.  once she was over she just lay there face down still hanging onto our head collars and now she was raging at us.  This made the passing party speed up a bit more the man throwing worried looks over his shoulder and they were finally out of sight.

Once the shrew had righted herself she frog marched us both along the road for some minutes muttering about what crap dogs we were.  We got back to the car and drove home.  She spent an hour soaking in the bath when we got home, and she keeps telling me if her elbow flares up again I am toast!  I think I will just keep out of her way for a little while.  Goodness me and she has the cheek to call Salukis drama queens! 

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Day 233 in Exile

I have been feeling rather cranky recently.  The weather has changed from Arctic conditions to a heatwave in just a few days.  Of course the hapless shrew is unprepared so I was forced to pant my lungs out yesterday, until she had the good sense to cover me with a cold wet towel.  Apparently she has ordered me an electric fan, but it won't arrive until Tuesday.  Those delivery saps clearly have no idea whom it is for! 

We went for a walk yesterday to Borgie Forest Trail, but it was so hot I couldn't be bothered and we didn't walk too far.  I took a paddle in the river to cool off, but I remained in a foul mood all evening.  The shrew was a little put out when I gave her a telling off for trying to move me off her bed when I was quite comfy thank you very much!  This is when she decided a towel might be a good idea as she was getting the idea that I was cross and grumpy.

This morning things have gone from bad to worse, the shrew decided that a nice bath would keep me cool.  I was subjected to being brutally manhandled into the shower cubicle and shampooed to whithin an inch of my life!  The fact that she had to chase me all over the house to get me in there was not enough to hint for her puny mind that I did not want a bath!  I am now sulking in my bed having suffered the humiliation of having my bathing pictures strewn all over Facebook like cheap pornography!  Those infidels are a depraved bunch! 

The shrew will pay for this outrageus behaviour!  One is NOT amused!

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Day 194 in Exile

As much as I hate being seen in the Shrew's "Medussa Mobile" I am a little miffed that our usual walk seems to have been closed for some sort of maintenance work for the last 2 weeks.  One can only pray they are building an actual road down there.  The area we live in has been a little busier than normal as it is apparently the part of the year that the weather improves and tourists start to make an appearance!  Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!  It snowed about a fortnight ago and just yesterday we were subjected to torrential rain and lightning of Biblical proportions.  I have concluded that Scottish weather sucks mightily, the shrew seems a little slow in the uptake.

The shrew has spent the last couple of weeks searching for "safe" spots to walk us, as apparently we are far too yobbish to mix with other dogs and far too naughty to be allowed near any live stock!  We are furtively dragged through fields at a rate of knots and barely have time to sniff a blade of grass, as the shrew looks about all the time like she is some kind of secret agent being hunted!  The other day she drove us out to Torrisdale only to almost shriek in despair as she discovered 30 or 40 sheep merrily grazing right slap bang in the middle of the route she had intended to take.  I thought her head was actually going to explode it went so red!  She looked like a demonic tomato as she drove back towards a route we have been using as an alternative, her red face contorted into grim determination as she muttered under her breath.  Every few days the shrew drives down to the old walk and comes back to the car looking forlorn, I can only gather work continues there.  The kelb and I have had several ear bashings to the tune of if we were just normal she could take us any where blah, blah, blah!  I tend to glaze over when she is whittering.

Yesterday we stayed at home, we have had some sort of disaster in the master bedroom and the shrew keeps looking at the ceiling and wringing her hands, as water seems to be coming through it and there is now a large bulging hole there.  It was very difficult to sleep last night listening to the drip drip of the water and bits of plaster dropping off into a bucket she had placed underneath it.  I sincerely hope it is rectified soon or I shall have to spend the day attempting to catch up on my lost sleep.

A delivery man came yesterday afternoon and the shrew engaged him in some tedious conversation, I felt sad for him as he stood at the door trying to remain engaged whilst no doubt wishing he was doing anything other than standing at her door.  I soon tired of listening to her twittering and went back into the lounge.  She had been eating her lunch just before she went to the door, and upon investigation I discovered that she has attempted to hide it at the back of the dining table.  Oh foolish woman!  I easily climbed onto the table and scoffed as much as I could.  The shrew entered the room, just as I was jumping down from the table and she almost caused me to choke to death on a piece of cucumber I was finishing as I dismounted and scurried across the room.  I had hoped to make it back to my seat on the couch before she noticed, but alas I had to endure her droning on about what a greedy little bitch I am.  Smacks rather of the pot to me!


Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Day 173 in Exile

I hate ticks with the fury of 1000 suns!  One climbed aboard the kelb's fetid carcass last night and attempted to take up residence in his armpit, which just about caused the shrew to have a siezure!  Since then we have both had to endure her picking through our coats like some kind of demented baboon lady!  The hairy infidel removed the offending passenger with a little hook, while the shrew leapt about the living room as if she had a flea infestation.  Flailing her arms around like a demonic Morris dancer.

This morning we arrived home from our walk just in time for the post. She was absolutely delighted to discover that a herbal infusion she ordered yesterday had arrived.  I was horrified, as she then proceeded to throw me into the shower cubicle where I was shampooed to within an inch of my life, closely followed by the kelb.  We then endured yet another inspection carried out by madam Baboon!  I am now absolutely raging as my coat has all poofed out and I look like a bloody Border Collie!  Damn you ticks, damn you to hell!

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Day 167 in Exile

This morning we went out in the hideous car again, it was a lovely sunny day for a change and we were all thoroughly enjoying a pleasant bimble in the sun.  It all took a turn for the worse for the shrew though.  About half way round the walk she went off the path and into the trees, she appeared to have got caught short.  Clearly she did not trust us to wait on the path for her and we were dragged along with her to witness this horror.  She squatted down in the trees with the kelb looking gormlessly into her eyes, just inches from her face.  I tried to pretend it wasn't happening at all!

The kelb suddenly went from staring gormlessly into the shrew's eyes to looking quizzical and then alert, the shrew's eyes widened as he lunged towards her knocking her over and ran into the trees, his eyes firmly fixed on the prize of a retreating squirrel.  She was forced to let go of his lead before she risked having her shoulder dislocated as he plunged into the trees.  The shrew in a crumpled heap attempted to hang onto me as I had become interested in what the kelb was doing, while she attmepted to get up and wriggle back into her trousers all the while bellowing like a cow in labour that she was actually going to kill us this time!

She finally managed to get herself upright and respectable and she shouted the kelb, who finally emerged from the trees hopping as his front paw had become trapped in his head collar.  He looked very sheepish as the shrew freed his paw, whilst berating him for running off.  She spent the next 20 minutes stomping along the road in a rage, muttering to herself and constantly questioning what exaclty she had done to deserve such dogs.  I imagine she was bitterly regretting guzzling that flask of coffee on route this morning instead of back at the car, where she would have been just a ten minute drive from a bathroom!  She was  not very forthcoming with the sausages for the rest of the walk and seemed a little ticked off that the kelb and I remained on high alert for any other possible sightings of squirrels, bobbing and weaving our way along the path as she stumbled along behind us tutting loudly.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Day 166 in Exile - Porridge, SERIOUSLY!

The shrew tried to poison me this morning with a hideous offering of porridge.  A Scottish concoction I can only describe as a repulsive gruel of lukewarm gloop!  She might as well have poured milk onto some sawdust!  She attempted to make the putrid offering more appealing by adding in a small amount of honey to trick me into finding it more palatable.  I can assure you that no amount of effort would have made that sad offering more palatable and I am horrified that she expected to eat it.  I had one mouhtful, which stuck to the roof of my mouth and made me gag, before snorting my objection, turning tail and fleeing the scene before she force fed it to me!  Of course the kelb not only finished his but made a valiant effort and downed mine too.  No wonder he is so stout!  He came bounding into the living room with that gormless look on his face and breathed his foul milky breath in my face, before rolling round the room like a lumbering, grotesque spider.

That mouthful of food was then supposed to fuel me on a trudge round the shrew's favourite spot, to which we were transported in her hideous little car.  I spent much of the day in a state of malnutrition and was forced to make off with (and gobble up like a common kelb) her cheese sandwhich at lunchtime while she was boiling the kettle.  She spent much of the afternoon giving me the stink eye and telling me what a greedy little dog I am!  I have been on the brink of starvation all day!  She served up a bowl of lambs kidneys and chicken this evening and didn't even bother to cut up the kidney for me, so I was forced to eat them whole and I am not sure I appreciated the texture in the slightest.  I may be forced to regurgitate one later to teach the shrew a lesson in what is acceptable food for one of my status.  She better not ever offer me porridge again!

Friday, 24 February 2012

Day 139 in Exile

The shrew has finally lost her mind!  She took us for a walk this morning in the most atrocious weather.  She has recently bought a new car, nothing like the luxury of my previous ride, but a more utiliarian vehicle.  I am forced to lie in a cage in the back, while she whoops in delight as she hurtles down a mud track littered with potholes and rocks.  Whoever declared this a road needs to be executed immediately!  I fear if we venture down there too often, my poor spine will be shattered into a million pieces as her ugly utilitarian monstrosity trundles down the track in a most unsatisfactory manner!  The shrew seems delighted with this vehicle, I hate it and may just vomit in the back if she isn't careful!

As usual the old crone planned ahead by watching the 200 weather forecasts that are aired in the morning and totally ignoring them!  Some 20 minutes into the walk the heavens opened and we were subjected to a deluge of Biblical proportions, icy rain drenched us to the skin and the wind whipped around us.  Walking where there are a lot of trees and winds of around 50MPH was such an awesome idea on the shrews part!  I was terrified as we walked along and the trees creaked and strained against the winds.  It was so cold I felt like my eyeballs had frozen in their sockets.  When I gave her an evil stare, she whittered about how this was a perfect day for us to wak, because we were less likely to meet anyone else.  That is because no one else could possible be as insane as she is!

We trudged on and finally the weather eased a little and the sun came out and there was a beautiful rainbow up in the sky.  The female looked at me slyly, clearly feeling vindicated as she triumphantly declared "See it didn't last that long!" I scowled as my teeth chattered and I dug in to try and get back to that hideous vehicle of hers as soon as possible and put this whole sorry situation behind me.

We walked on and finally the end of the walk was in sight.  We came out of the wooded area and into a large clearing.  No sooner had we hit open ground again when the driving icy rain and high wind returned, it was so windy I was almost blown clean off my feet several times.  I was furious and trudged on, the shrew was behind us bleating that we were weaving about and tripping her.  I tried to take cover behind the kelb's beefy carcass, as the rain turned into horrid little pricking hail and bit at my face.  The female was huffing and puffing that the weather was vile and trying to hurry along only to keep stumbling as we zigzagged across her path, she will pay for this!  FINALLY, after what seemed like hours we made it back to her ugly little car and I for one was so happy to see the beastly hunk of metal.  The female infidel peeled off all the wet layers I was wearing and I jumped into the cage with glee, finally somewhere dry and warm!  As the shrew was unwrapping the kelb from his arctic wear, I almost choked with laughter as the wind blew the door hard and it tried to shut.  It hit her in the back and she was knocked into the towing hook.  The air turned blue as she bashed her shin on the large metal hook and fell against a most unimpressed kelb, who looked horrified to see her burly carcass hurtling towards him.  Finally we were on board.  The shrew who now resembled something of a cross between medussa with her wild, wet hair and the swamp thing all muddy and wet from the trudge through the glen looked a sight.  I was rather glad that we had not met anyone else on the walk, as the shame of being seen with her would have been all too much to bear.

She got into the car sighing with relief that we had finished the walk and then she sat and drank a hot cup of coffee if you please!  The kelb and I were left shivering in the back of the truck, even he looked pretty miffed by this mornings "bright idea".  We drove off back up the hill and my poor bones were once more rattled into dust as she zoomed up the road like the Stig, not taking any care to avoid the lumps and bumps and delighting in how the car "coped with it all."  I think I actually loathe her!