Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Day 166 in Exile - Porridge, SERIOUSLY!

The shrew tried to poison me this morning with a hideous offering of porridge.  A Scottish concoction I can only describe as a repulsive gruel of lukewarm gloop!  She might as well have poured milk onto some sawdust!  She attempted to make the putrid offering more appealing by adding in a small amount of honey to trick me into finding it more palatable.  I can assure you that no amount of effort would have made that sad offering more palatable and I am horrified that she expected to eat it.  I had one mouhtful, which stuck to the roof of my mouth and made me gag, before snorting my objection, turning tail and fleeing the scene before she force fed it to me!  Of course the kelb not only finished his but made a valiant effort and downed mine too.  No wonder he is so stout!  He came bounding into the living room with that gormless look on his face and breathed his foul milky breath in my face, before rolling round the room like a lumbering, grotesque spider.

That mouthful of food was then supposed to fuel me on a trudge round the shrew's favourite spot, to which we were transported in her hideous little car.  I spent much of the day in a state of malnutrition and was forced to make off with (and gobble up like a common kelb) her cheese sandwhich at lunchtime while she was boiling the kettle.  She spent much of the afternoon giving me the stink eye and telling me what a greedy little dog I am!  I have been on the brink of starvation all day!  She served up a bowl of lambs kidneys and chicken this evening and didn't even bother to cut up the kidney for me, so I was forced to eat them whole and I am not sure I appreciated the texture in the slightest.  I may be forced to regurgitate one later to teach the shrew a lesson in what is acceptable food for one of my status.  She better not ever offer me porridge again!

1 comment:

houndstooth said...

Just when I think I can't be shocked any more, you find a new way! I can't believe the conditions you live under!