Thursday, 19 April 2012

Day 194 in Exile

As much as I hate being seen in the Shrew's "Medussa Mobile" I am a little miffed that our usual walk seems to have been closed for some sort of maintenance work for the last 2 weeks.  One can only pray they are building an actual road down there.  The area we live in has been a little busier than normal as it is apparently the part of the year that the weather improves and tourists start to make an appearance!  Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!  It snowed about a fortnight ago and just yesterday we were subjected to torrential rain and lightning of Biblical proportions.  I have concluded that Scottish weather sucks mightily, the shrew seems a little slow in the uptake.

The shrew has spent the last couple of weeks searching for "safe" spots to walk us, as apparently we are far too yobbish to mix with other dogs and far too naughty to be allowed near any live stock!  We are furtively dragged through fields at a rate of knots and barely have time to sniff a blade of grass, as the shrew looks about all the time like she is some kind of secret agent being hunted!  The other day she drove us out to Torrisdale only to almost shriek in despair as she discovered 30 or 40 sheep merrily grazing right slap bang in the middle of the route she had intended to take.  I thought her head was actually going to explode it went so red!  She looked like a demonic tomato as she drove back towards a route we have been using as an alternative, her red face contorted into grim determination as she muttered under her breath.  Every few days the shrew drives down to the old walk and comes back to the car looking forlorn, I can only gather work continues there.  The kelb and I have had several ear bashings to the tune of if we were just normal she could take us any where blah, blah, blah!  I tend to glaze over when she is whittering.

Yesterday we stayed at home, we have had some sort of disaster in the master bedroom and the shrew keeps looking at the ceiling and wringing her hands, as water seems to be coming through it and there is now a large bulging hole there.  It was very difficult to sleep last night listening to the drip drip of the water and bits of plaster dropping off into a bucket she had placed underneath it.  I sincerely hope it is rectified soon or I shall have to spend the day attempting to catch up on my lost sleep.

A delivery man came yesterday afternoon and the shrew engaged him in some tedious conversation, I felt sad for him as he stood at the door trying to remain engaged whilst no doubt wishing he was doing anything other than standing at her door.  I soon tired of listening to her twittering and went back into the lounge.  She had been eating her lunch just before she went to the door, and upon investigation I discovered that she has attempted to hide it at the back of the dining table.  Oh foolish woman!  I easily climbed onto the table and scoffed as much as I could.  The shrew entered the room, just as I was jumping down from the table and she almost caused me to choke to death on a piece of cucumber I was finishing as I dismounted and scurried across the room.  I had hoped to make it back to my seat on the couch before she noticed, but alas I had to endure her droning on about what a greedy little bitch I am.  Smacks rather of the pot to me!