Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Day 407 in Exile

Hahahahaahahahahaahahahahahaa!  Oh my, I have bellyache from laughing so much this morning!  The kelb has truly excelled himself today.  He woke the shrew up at 6 am, as he threw up seaweed he had consumed the day before all over her bedroom rug.  He is such a drama queen you can hear him hurling in Manchester!  The shrew cleared it all up and then went back to bed.  Once we got up and had breakfast we went for a walk to the beach, the first thing the kelb did was to run onto the beach and start grazing on the seaweed.  The shrew was outraged and began windmilling, she shooed him down to the far end of the beach away from any potential scavenging attempts.

We moved up into the dunes and as there was no one around and no sheep the shrew let the kelb free.  A move she was about to bitterly regret.  There were a few rabbits darting about the dunes and the kelb went after them, he is so old and slow he had no chance.  The shrew hurried through the dunes as I leapt about in the long grass snorting and checking out as many warrens as I could on my long line.  The kelb suddenly disappered, the shrew whistled, nothing.  She whistled again, still nothing.  This was very unusual for the kelb as he is such a big wuss if he loses eye contact with her he has a melt down.  The shrew whistled a third time and this time the kelb's stupid fat head popped up looking gormless as ever.  It would appear that Planktonstein had decided to go all Black Ops on the rabbits and disguise himself by rolling in the most rancid, smelly poo!

The shrew was raging.  She made him walk several paces ahead of us and then as we approached the beach again she put him back on a lead.  We made our way back down the path towards home the shrew chastised the kelb as we went, I could barely walk for sniggering.  The shrew had a major stomp on.  As we got into the last field two surfers came along the narrow path, but as soon as their nostrils made contact with the rancid smell of the kelb they gave us a very wide berth.  The shrew exaseprated feebly explained that it was the dog that smelt, I am not convinced they believed her as they scrabbled off as fast as they could, surf boards under their arms.

The kelb has now been shampooed to within an inch of his life and told in no uncertain terms if he even LOOKS at her new couches she will flatten him. He is pouting on his bed and she is pouting on the sofa.  I can't stop laughing!


houndstooth said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, Stella, you are the best story teller!


martha powell said...

Oh, what a great morning for you and Eric! And, what a disaster for your poor caretaker! I do understand why you couldn't stop sniggering, though. hehehehe ... what a sight that must have been, Stella.