Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Day 497 in Exile

The shrew attempted to poison me this morning with a putrid offering of lambs kidneys for breakfast, I spat them out all over the kitchen floor to let her know that I was not amused at her disgusting offering.  I have no doubt that her corpulent toady scoffed them as soon as my back was turned!  I was reduced to eating a bowl of wicker balls that were on the coffee table.  They didn't do a lot for me either, they tasted perfumey!  I had no choice but to spit the pieces out all over the living room carpet, which appeared to irk the shrew somewhat and brought on another of her skull numbing lectures about what a "horrid little dog I am".  I was given two measley sausages to tide me over to the next meal and that was only because the kelb had to have his "old fart" medication and is far too dim witted to work out that the shrew conceals them in sausages.

The shrew has been a real drag of late, she appears to be studying for something and is constantly found with her nose in a book or gnashing over her laptop with a furrowed brow.  I sincerely hope that she isn't attempting to train me again, that really didn't work out so well for her last time...

Anyway, I have been doing some reading of my own, although I am pretty sure I could teach the dogs in this book a thing or two about being really dastardly!


houndstooth said...

Stella, you never cease to amuse and delight me!


Wendy Addison said...

Stella, 'Dastardly' doesn't cover it. How about gorgeous, clever, evil, plotter, cunning, and general naughty girl?