Saturday, 14 February 2015

A Message From The Shrew

Dear Cockwombles,

This may come as a shock to you, but my dog doesn’t appreciate your “friendly” dog being 1mm away from her cornea.  My elderly, arthritic dog DOES get upset about your bouncy little “friendly dog that isn’t going to bite us” jumping up and down on his arthritic spine.  I know, my dogs lack of tolerance for your ill mannered, off lead dog that is simply doing his best to greet them MUST mean that they were not socialised fully as a puppy and that I am an inept, cretin of an owner that should be punished immediately!  I should never be allowed to show my incompetent face in public again.  After all the fact that my dogs are overreacting to the presence of your super, bouncy and super friendly little dog is because they are sub normal, I mean for goodness sake who wouldn’t want Fluffy’s face pressed up against theirs, his cute little button nose shoved up their arsehole?  He is just so freaking cute, WTF is wrong with my dogs?  It really is our problem, they are anti social and just don’t have the same happy go lucky personality that your little bundle of delight is clearly blessed with.

I really shouldn’t have responded to Fluffy’s display of friendship with rage, what on earth was I thinking!  I mean being a responsible square bear isn’t for everyone is it, who wants to keep their dog on a lead when they meet a dog that is uneasy with such a generous display of affection?  Goodness me, it isn’t the care free, asstard with the mind numbingly slow response to her dog’s ill manners fault that my dogs don’t like being harassed by their little bundle of joy that is “friendly with EVERYONE he meets whether they bloody well like it or not!”

Who KNEW that when a dog starts growling or standing on their back legs and shrieking and windmilling it means that they want Fluffy to go away and to do it RIGHT NOW!  The fact that I tripped over my windmilling, objecting dog because you took 100 years to finally catch Fluffy and get them out of the way is not your fault at all, how were you to know that my dog was distressed and besides, it is just not normal to not want to greet Fluffy with anything less than joy!

Well my little cockwomble I have news for you!  My dog could care less if Fluffy is a gold medal winner when it comes to the art of friendship, he just stuck his face right in her eyeball and now she just wants to rip his furry little head off and mount it on a spike.  She finds him intolerably rude.  My dog has had several experiences of rude little Fluffys and now she just thinks that all Fluffys must be destroyed before they have the chance to piss her off.  Her companion is an affable chap and a true gent, but he is getting on in years and finds it difficult to get up in the morning.  He has arthritis in his spine and so Fluffy using it as a trampoline kind of pisses him off.  Unlike my bitch he doesn’t mean to be rude, but if Fluffy doesn’t retreat and quickly, he is going to help her rip his furry little head off.

As for me, I have met 100 cockwombles just like you and no matter how nicely I ask them to please respect my dogs space and put Fluffy on a lead they all have the same response. Why on earth am I flapping about little Fluffy running up to us, he is just adorable and SO friendly.  He isn’t going to do any harm to my dogs and the fact that they want to harm him is just astounding.  Why didn’t I just train my dogs better and why on earth don’t I get them under control!  OF COURSE! That is what I need to do; I need to control my dogs better so that Fluffy can enjoy being off lead and rushing up to anyone and everyone.  It is my entire fault.  My on lead dogs are SO out of control and they are ruining Fluffy’s life!  How dare I have the audacity to walk around in public with 2 dogs on a lead and what is wrong with me keeping them away from bothering other dogs.  I am such a loser and I really shouldn’t have a dog at all.  To all you cockwombles out there I say a pox on you!